Can you blame them when you've got such a handsome face?
[ She grins cheekily at him making her look a little more like herself. Looking like herself also comes hand in hand with remaining blissfully and completely unaware about what the irony is really directed towards. In true Hilda form she prattles on, momentarily swept away by the happy thought. ]
They just worry that you're gonna take off with their younger siblings before they have a chance to get to know the real you. Talk about an exciting love story though - running off together just so you can be with the person you love. I always thought that was so romantic. I'd like to do that someday.
[ But for that story to be written she'd need to find someone who loved her back, wouldn't she? And that would require letting herself care deeply for another and opening herself up to more expectations. More pointed looks of disappointment. Perhaps that's better left for her daydreams.
Her smile dims a beat later at his words. Trying to ignore the hollowness in her chest, she swallows. It's a warning she knows unfortunately all too well: the confirmation that this might be the admission of what she had seen in front of her the whole time. In this case it's that Sylvain cared for Claude and Claude returned those feelings. Everything Sylvain had told her in the past about them not being actually together - that must be a kindness too, right? She has eyes. She knows Claude. Knew him.
Fiercely she reminds herself that she'll have to live with this feeling, learn how to slowly fill it with happier, brighter things if she's meant to reconcile with Claude so she can step aside and leave a clear path for Sylvain. And she's good at that, isn't she? Delusion is one of the few things she's good at. ]
Don't sound so bummed out about it - honesty is a good thing. [ Her lips quirk tentatively like she's trying to praise him. There's a pause that follows, worry coating the split second of silence before she pushes through, words tripping over one another. ] What did you tell him? Unless that's too personal then never mind. I don't want to cause trouble between you two.
I can blame them when their first target for punching me into next week is my handsome face. [ It’s a cheeky retort, even if its true enough.
But her confession and the way she sort of dims after she speaks it aloud, shrinking back into herself, has him tightening his hold around her once more as he presses a kiss to her brow. ]
Well. I think this certainly counts as running off somewhere far away, even if it hadn’t been completely voluntary. And you have me and Claude here with you. ] He slides his fingers against her jaw in a light caress. ] As difficult as things may be for the moment, I know he still loves you, Hilda. And I… [ Another pause as he lets his thumb drift over the soft skin of her lips. ] I happen to adore you way more than I probably should. Enough to tempt me to throw my common sense out the window despite all the consequences. You tempt me to be selfish, sweet. Greedy. You have no idea, all the things I want to do to you. With you.
[ He’d distracted himself now, forgetting what else she’d asked. In that moment, it didn’t seem all that important. ]
[ Another declaration of how she'll take care of him is on her lips when she's pulled closer to his chest.
When he compares Abraxas to the equivalent of running away together, the intrusive thought that this is all just another form of kindness surfaces. That this is a way to help soothe the sadness that has settled deep in her bones. It surely can't be an admission of something she hopes for because hope had been her downfall this entire time. Whatever it is, it works because she can slowly feel cold ebb from her body.
A half-hearted laugh threatens to bubble from her lips when he says that Claude loves her like it's a funny joke of some kind. He doesn't, she reminds herself. He can't. Because that would make this all the more strange and awful. She hasn't forgotten her question, and it doesn't go unnoticed that he didn't answer it. What isn't certain is if he's avoiding it for a reason. It's hard for her to stay focused on that when her breath catches in her throat as his thumb ghosts her lips. Her own eyes flit towards his and without thinking she raises a finger to his lips, mimicking his action. Goddess, she's so easily distracted. ]
What other consequences are there? I already told you I'd protect you from Holst.
[ She can't help but say it with an amused lilt. Her heart beats loudly in her chest as her finger rounds the plush curve of his bottom lip contemplating what she says next. She can't bring herself to look into his gaze, all too aware that she could very well drown in soulful, warm amber so she keeps her eyes trained on his lips instead. ]
[ His voice is a low rasp as he watches her, tone turning soft and husky as his lips curve against the brush of his fingers. He doesn’t miss the way she’s avoiding his gaze. Or the way her pulse had jumped in response to his own brush against her lips. ]
And who’s gonna protect you from me?
[ He doesn’t give her a chance to answer that before he’s leaning down and catching her lips with his own in a slow but deep kiss. He shouldn’t be doing this. She was still drunk and he really shouldn’t be taking advantage of her like this.
But Goddess. Her mouth, her body, had been a near constant on his mind since the maze. Since before it, even. And his willpower in resisting temptation had never been very strong. ]
Hilda knows she tempted fate, or in this case Sylvain, by asking her question, but the words had rushed out without a second thought. At least that's what she tells herself. She's awful, she thinks. Just awful. This is the opposite of stepping aside and quietly letting the two of them explore whatever it is between them.
But the taste of Sylvain's lips on hers soften the edge of those thoughts. They remind her of her admission, that she does want this. That she wants him. She wants all of him even if he can't give that to her. Being content with moments like this shouldn't even be in the realm of possibilities because the care she has for him as rooted so deeply in her heart that it's impossible to untangle.
The sigh she presses against his lips is more longing than sound. Her hand finds the back of his neck, nails lightly scraping against it as she pulls him closer like she's willing this to last. Hilda's tongue gently pries open his lips so she can savour the taste of him, commit more of it to memory. When she finally breaks for air she lets out a brief laugh. ]
I was going to say you, but you'd just let yourself walk right through and let yourself have your way.
[ He gives a soft groan when her nails rake lightly against his skin, the sensation sending a shiver of delight down his spine. His own conscience is still sending up red flags over all the reasons he should not be doing this right now, but…
He gives her lower lip a playful nip before he kisses her again, deeper this time, tongue delving in to slide against her own, teasing and challenging, daring her for more. ]
I suppose now would be a good time to admit I’m very bad at saying no when its something I really want?
[ The hunger in his kiss, his mouth all warm and wonderful, works at dislodging the claws of fear that had slowly tried to dig into her.
It brings her back to the night where she had first crawled into his bed, back to a time when the only thing she’d had to contest with was her death. But even that did not detract from the fact that for that moment, the things that had been causing her strife had been made to feel simple and easily conquered. It had been bathed in a soft light that she come to associate with Sylvain.
He made her feel safe. Wanted. A thought surfaces: she wants to make him feel the same way too whether that’s with her or with someone else.
She laughs into his lips, running her fingernails lightly against warm skin noting how he had groaned before. With her forehead pressed to his, it makes a warm, private space just for them. ]
So earlier when you didn’t want to bathe with me — was that a rare show of self-restraint or was that because you didn’t want to?
That was because I was trying to be good, because you were very, very drunk and not thinking clearly and if I let myself crawl into that bathtub with a very wet and naked you, we weren’t going to be getting out of there for a long, long time.
[ That sentence ends with his voice dropping an octave into a low, husky growl as he rolls her over onto her back again, pinning her down onto the mattress beneath him as he cages her in. His lips don’t move away from hers, however. In fact, he deepens the kiss now that he has her under him once more. ]
And right now I’m having a very hard time remembering why I was trying to behave myself in the first place.
[ Which is exactly what someone who is drunk would say. Whatever serious conviction she tries to imbue into it is lost in another giggle as she’s rolled onto her back. Her legs hook around his waist as they shift positions, dragging his lower body down on top of hers demandingly. No space was allowed to exist between them while they were in her bed.
The smell of the tavern is long gone thanks to the bath, but her body still feels lit up from the inside out. While some of it is realistically the effects of the alcohol, Sylvain’s attention, his gaze, the low timbre of his voice certainly adds to that. A small moan escapes her this time, muffled by the tangle of tongues and press of his lips before she returns it with equal fervour. ]
I really did want to take care of you - [ She’s insistent in the small break of their kiss. The rest of the sentence is hurried out before she grasps his face with her hands to drag him in again. ] but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t think about that too.
[ This is a good consolation prize, she thinks. Tangled in the sheets with his weight on top of hers, the smell of him around her. ]
I’m going to remind you that you said that in the morning, when you come back to your senses.
[ His lips quirk into a smirk against her own, even as he catches her hands and pins them above her head. If only to keep her from wiggling so much - not that it seems to be very effective as she wraps her legs about his waist and tries to drag him down against the enticing heat of her - very naked - body. There’s no way to hide the way he’s hardened beneath his boxers as he half-collapses atop her, pinning her beneath his weight now. He gives a strained groan against her lips when her squirming only emphasizes that even more. ]
[ The motion of pulling her hands by the wrists over her head is met with a delighted gasp. She can feel how hard he is against her and sends a shockwave of warmth to pool in the pit of her belly. She wants to remember this, she thinks, she doesn’t want to forget any of this night. Well, except maybe the puking part but even that seems dim and miles away now.
Breaking away from his kiss is a necessary evil, but only so she can do as she’s asked. WIth his body pressed so close to hers however, she takes the opportunity to pepper whatever she can reach with her lips in kisses — in this case, his collarbone, his shoulder and the gentle curve of his beautiful neck. ]
I thought about washing your hair and running my hands down your neck and chest. [ Small nips and bites are added between her kisses as she fights the temptation to not leave behind marks. ] I thought about reaching down between your legs to take care of you the way you took care of me that night in the maze.
[ As if to emphasize it, there’s a pronounced jut of her pelvis into his hardened cock. ]
[ He gives a low strained groan, both at the rock of her hips up against his length and the bite of her teeth against his throat - something he doesn’t mind in the least. She can leave as many marks on him as her little heart desires and he wouldn’t utter a single complaint. ]
I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep my identity a secret. And I didn’t want to upset you if you found out and weren’t happy about it. I didn’t want to ruin your night.
[ She’d seemed happy enough to indulge with a stranger and he’d been afraid to find out if that would have changed, had she known it was him beneath that mask. ]
[ The desire to make good on her thoughts from the bath earlier would be easy to act on were it not for the fact that he has her hands captured and pulled taut above her.
There’s a brief pause in her kisses however when he explains why he had left so abruptly that evening. It has her peering up at him in thought. In hindsight it would be easy for her to say that she wouldn’t have been upset - but even she knows that that isn’t entirely the truth. Her kisses turn from heated to tender, practically apologetic in nature as she traces the shape of his collarbones with her lips. ]
You definitely didn’t ruin my night, Sylvain. [ That she can admit with certainty; and surprisingly, she finds herself admitting something else that brushes up on something that only seems to surface now. ] I think, maybe, I was more upset about you not telling me it was you. [ She buries her face into the hollow of his collarbone. ] I don’t want us not being honest with one another anymore.
[ At that quiet confession, he releases his grip on her wrists in order to slide his hands back down to cup to either side of her face. ]
I should have told you. I’m sorry I kept it a secret. I kept telling myself I didn't know for sure, but… I think that was just an excuse I was telling myself, even when I didn’t fully believe it either.
[ The trail of his hands leaves a wave of goosebumps in their wake. With her hands free, it provides an opportunity to loop one loosely over his neck while the other is left free to explore the curves and strong lines of his chest. Her back arches ever so slightly to bump their noses up against one another.
Her voice still holds that apologetic quality to it, eyes trained on his. ]
I can't say that I blame you especially after how I reacted at the loft. I would have been hurt too. [ Her eyes suddenly fill with regret. ] I don't think there's anything I can do to ever make it up to you for hurting you like that. But I want to try if you'll let me.
[ Her soft regret prompts a slow, gentle kiss from him, lingering in the contact as one hand slides to cup against her jaw, tilting her face up towards him. ]
I shouldn’t have pushed you that night. I forgot myself for a bit, but to be fair, you’re very distracting.
[ Hilda can’t help the embarrassed laugh at his compliment. Flattery regarding her outward appearance had never had much of an effect on her. Dressing up, looking pretty, charming those around her were some of the few things she knew herself to be good at. But with the way he’s holding her, the way he’s looking at her, she can’t help but suddenly feel shy under his gaze. Like she’s melting under his touch and taste of her mouth.
Her eyes flutter as she savours the taste of him, keeping him close so that their lips are inches apart even after they part. Her free hand settles just over his heart, committing the warmth of his chest under her palm and the steady but gentle heartbeat to memory. ]
I meant it when I said I want all of you, Sylvain. I was scared. It was so much. But I mean it, and I hope you believe it. [ She brushes her nose against his again. ] You don’t even have to return my feelings. I just need you know that you’re so deserving of being wanted and loved.
I don’t want you scared of this. Of me. That’s the last thing I want, Hilda.
[ There’s a soft note of regret in his own tone as he brushes a kiss against the tip of her nose. Leaning forward, he rests his forehead against her own again, even as one hand comes up to cup over hers, cradling it against his chest. He breathes out a quiet, uneasy sigh. ]
I don’t know how to do this. To do something more than just casual sex where there’s safety in it not meaning anything. I don’t want to hurt you when I fuck it up.
[ What he’s describing is how she had approached any potential relationship that threatened to crest into genuine feelings. Flirting is fine, well and good. But trying harder than that with the possibility of expectations terrified her. Caring to the point where she could feel it so viscerally in her body was something she never thought possible.
Hilda wants to reassure him that he can’t hurt her. That he won’t hurt her. But if this experience with Claude has taught her anything, it’s that feelings are hurt all the time whether intentional or not. That’s not something anyone can guarantee. Perhaps it’s how they handled it after is what mattered the most.
She feels bare, bearer than how they’re practically naked pressed up against one another now and that feeling in itself is terrifying. Her fingers thread through his against his chest, curling lightly over his heart. ]
I don’t either. Caring for people is so scary - scarier than war sometimes. But I don’t think you’ll fuck it up as badly as you think you will.
[ The fingers tangled in his hair stroke the back of his neck softly. ]
But have you considered that if we hurt each other than we’ll patch it up together too? You aren’t at fault for everything. This involves the both of us.
[ He gives a soft, disbelieving laugh at that, his hand tightening slightly in his grip around her much smaller hand. His eyes slide shut again as he feels a pang of regret. Especially at her words, because it’s clear she understands why he’s holding back here.
He wishes he could be as optimistic as she was. It’s been a long time since he’d thought anything like that. He feels far too cynical for that now. ]
Sweetheart, I think you’re underestimating my singular talent of spectacularly fucking up just about anything I get my hands on. That reputation I had wasn’t just gossip when we were growing up. I’m no good at this. Pretty sure I bring bad luck to any relationship I even consider taking beyond casual. Not that there’ve been a lot of those, either.
[ The immediate response is past her lips before she can stop herself. There’s defiance there that rears its head. Despite her own chronic aversion to feelings and things of a serious nature, Hilda still so deeply believed in those that she cared for. Maybe her abilities weren’t much to write home about, but it was hard for even the hardest of cynics to dissuade her from her optimism. ]
Who you were at home doesn’t matter. You’re here. The Sylvain I knew then isn’t the same Sylvain I know now.
[ She probably wouldn’t have developed feelings for a younger him beyond that of casual sex but she was smarter than some gave her credit for. Dabbling back then would have caused some sort of trouble. But people were capable of change, and she had seen glimpses of what she suspects he had been hiding during their time at the Academy.
Her hand slips from his neck to brush her thumb against his cheek before pressing a soft kiss to his lips pleadingly. ]
[ If there’s anything more terrifying than allowing yourself to hope that a ‘chance to try’ would result in anything different that history repeating itself, Sylvain can’t think of it. Hope was more dangerous than any emotion he could allow himself to feel, and he’d forbidden that one along with all the others.
What was that line about doing the same thing but expecting different results leading to insanity? He didn’t think Hilda would appreciate that reminder right now, but he can’t help but think it all the same.
Giving himself a chance to try opened up a far darker void than Hilda realized, and one he never wanted to expose her to. Her or Claude. There was a reason he’d been struggling so stubbornly to keep emotions from getting involved here but he was beginning to suspect that these two were far more like those gravity wells Garrus had been telling him about. And he kept getting sucked deeper in no matter how hard he tried to keep himself free.
Plus, it as getting harder and harder to keep reminding himself why he was doing it in the first place.
But Hilda’s words had been a challenge, and he hasn’t changed enough that he’s not completely susceptible to one of those. Even beyond having a hard time denying her anything. So he gives a quiet exhale and presses one more kiss against her lips. ]
I promise I’ll try. I just hope I don’t make you regret it.
[ Before he can pull back her fingers grasp his chin, holding him fast to her. ]
You let me worry about what I’ll regret.
[ It’s so unlike her to say that, to take on such ownership of something so serious but in the moment it escapes her completely. Most of them time she cares little for decisions being made for her when they involve some iota of responsibility. It goes against every cell in her body because her position in life denotes that she’s meant to follow and following to Hilda meant never taking accountability for any matter of importance.
Yet here she is. Trying. Hoping that Sylvain will do the same.
He often said he was a lover and not a fighter, but all of that love often felt directed at everyone but himself. All she wanted to do in that moment was take his hand so they could experience all the joy, all the terror, in accepting that love together. She wanted to walk beside him as much as she wanted him to find refuge in her.
Her eyes become liquid, practically molten pools of adoration as she relinquishes her hold on his chin to hold out her pinky towards him. ]
[ His gaze drops to her outstretched pinky, because those are the last words he'd expected to ever hear come out of her mouth. He knew her well, knew that that admission was beyond anything she would normally make. It is this that finally nudges him over the edge into giving in to her, even as he reaches out and hooks his own pinky with hers. ]
I pinky swear.
[ ...Even if he feels a little silly in the process. ]
[ Silly, sure. But when has the real her ever been anything but that?
Sylvain hooking his pinky around hers fills up with her such childlike joy that as soon as he does, there’s a split second where her expression is caught between something tender and reverential. Untangling her hands from his, she pulls him close. Her legs tighten around his waist as she closes the very small gap left between them to kiss him again.
Having his lips on hers has her her heart banging in her chest, lips parting in a happy rapture. She’s warm all over. Warmed by him, by a potentially terrifying hope that even she runs from but one that she trusts they’ll try to face together. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ She grins cheekily at him making her look a little more like herself. Looking like herself also comes hand in hand with remaining blissfully and completely unaware about what the irony is really directed towards. In true Hilda form she prattles on, momentarily swept away by the happy thought. ]
They just worry that you're gonna take off with their younger siblings before they have a chance to get to know the real you. Talk about an exciting love story though - running off together just so you can be with the person you love. I always thought that was so romantic. I'd like to do that someday.
[ But for that story to be written she'd need to find someone who loved her back, wouldn't she? And that would require letting herself care deeply for another and opening herself up to more expectations. More pointed looks of disappointment. Perhaps that's better left for her daydreams.
Her smile dims a beat later at his words. Trying to ignore the hollowness in her chest, she swallows. It's a warning she knows unfortunately all too well: the confirmation that this might be the admission of what she had seen in front of her the whole time. In this case it's that Sylvain cared for Claude and Claude returned those feelings. Everything Sylvain had told her in the past about them not being actually together - that must be a kindness too, right? She has eyes. She knows Claude. Knew him.
Fiercely she reminds herself that she'll have to live with this feeling, learn how to slowly fill it with happier, brighter things if she's meant to reconcile with Claude so she can step aside and leave a clear path for Sylvain. And she's good at that, isn't she? Delusion is one of the few things she's good at. ]
Don't sound so bummed out about it - honesty is a good thing. [ Her lips quirk tentatively like she's trying to praise him. There's a pause that follows, worry coating the split second of silence before she pushes through, words tripping over one another. ] What did you tell him? Unless that's too personal then never mind. I don't want to cause trouble between you two.
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But her confession and the way she sort of dims after she speaks it aloud, shrinking back into herself, has him tightening his hold around her once more as he presses a kiss to her brow. ]
Well. I think this certainly counts as running off somewhere far away, even if it hadn’t been completely voluntary. And you have me and Claude here with you. ] He slides his fingers against her jaw in a light caress. ] As difficult as things may be for the moment, I know he still loves you, Hilda. And I… [ Another pause as he lets his thumb drift over the soft skin of her lips. ] I happen to adore you way more than I probably should. Enough to tempt me to throw my common sense out the window despite all the consequences. You tempt me to be selfish, sweet. Greedy. You have no idea, all the things I want to do to you. With you.
[ He’d distracted himself now, forgetting what else she’d asked. In that moment, it didn’t seem all that important. ]
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When he compares Abraxas to the equivalent of running away together, the intrusive thought that this is all just another form of kindness surfaces. That this is a way to help soothe the sadness that has settled deep in her bones. It surely can't be an admission of something she hopes for because hope had been her downfall this entire time. Whatever it is, it works because she can slowly feel cold ebb from her body.
A half-hearted laugh threatens to bubble from her lips when he says that Claude loves her like it's a funny joke of some kind. He doesn't, she reminds herself. He can't. Because that would make this all the more strange and awful. She hasn't forgotten her question, and it doesn't go unnoticed that he didn't answer it. What isn't certain is if he's avoiding it for a reason. It's hard for her to stay focused on that when her breath catches in her throat as his thumb ghosts her lips. Her own eyes flit towards his and without thinking she raises a finger to his lips, mimicking his action. Goddess, she's so easily distracted. ]
What other consequences are there? I already told you I'd protect you from Holst.
[ She can't help but say it with an amused lilt. Her heart beats loudly in her chest as her finger rounds the plush curve of his bottom lip contemplating what she says next. She can't bring herself to look into his gaze, all too aware that she could very well drown in soulful, warm amber so she keeps her eyes trained on his lips instead. ]
What sorts of things?
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[ His voice is a low rasp as he watches her, tone turning soft and husky as his lips curve against the brush of his fingers. He doesn’t miss the way she’s avoiding his gaze. Or the way her pulse had jumped in response to his own brush against her lips. ]
And who’s gonna protect you from me?
[ He doesn’t give her a chance to answer that before he’s leaning down and catching her lips with his own in a slow but deep kiss. He shouldn’t be doing this. She was still drunk and he really shouldn’t be taking advantage of her like this.
But Goddess. Her mouth, her body, had been a near constant on his mind since the maze. Since before it, even. And his willpower in resisting temptation had never been very strong. ]
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Hilda knows she tempted fate, or in this case Sylvain, by asking her question, but the words had rushed out without a second thought. At least that's what she tells herself. She's awful, she thinks. Just awful. This is the opposite of stepping aside and quietly letting the two of them explore whatever it is between them.
But the taste of Sylvain's lips on hers soften the edge of those thoughts. They remind her of her admission, that she does want this. That she wants him. She wants all of him even if he can't give that to her. Being content with moments like this shouldn't even be in the realm of possibilities because the care she has for him as rooted so deeply in her heart that it's impossible to untangle.
The sigh she presses against his lips is more longing than sound. Her hand finds the back of his neck, nails lightly scraping against it as she pulls him closer like she's willing this to last. Hilda's tongue gently pries open his lips so she can savour the taste of him, commit more of it to memory. When she finally breaks for air she lets out a brief laugh. ]
I was going to say you, but you'd just let yourself walk right through and let yourself have your way.
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He gives her lower lip a playful nip before he kisses her again, deeper this time, tongue delving in to slide against her own, teasing and challenging, daring her for more. ]
I suppose now would be a good time to admit I’m very bad at saying no when its something I really want?
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It brings her back to the night where she had first crawled into his bed, back to a time when the only thing she’d had to contest with was her death. But even that did not detract from the fact that for that moment, the things that had been causing her strife had been made to feel simple and easily conquered. It had been bathed in a soft light that she come to associate with Sylvain.
He made her feel safe. Wanted. A thought surfaces: she wants to make him feel the same way too whether that’s with her or with someone else.
She laughs into his lips, running her fingernails lightly against warm skin noting how he had groaned before. With her forehead pressed to his, it makes a warm, private space just for them. ]
So earlier when you didn’t want to bathe with me — was that a rare show of self-restraint or was that because you didn’t want to?
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[ That sentence ends with his voice dropping an octave into a low, husky growl as he rolls her over onto her back again, pinning her down onto the mattress beneath him as he cages her in. His lips don’t move away from hers, however. In fact, he deepens the kiss now that he has her under him once more. ]
And right now I’m having a very hard time remembering why I was trying to behave myself in the first place.
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[ Which is exactly what someone who is drunk would say. Whatever serious conviction she tries to imbue into it is lost in another giggle as she’s rolled onto her back. Her legs hook around his waist as they shift positions, dragging his lower body down on top of hers demandingly. No space was allowed to exist between them while they were in her bed.
The smell of the tavern is long gone thanks to the bath, but her body still feels lit up from the inside out. While some of it is realistically the effects of the alcohol, Sylvain’s attention, his gaze, the low timbre of his voice certainly adds to that. A small moan escapes her this time, muffled by the tangle of tongues and press of his lips before she returns it with equal fervour. ]
I really did want to take care of you - [ She’s insistent in the small break of their kiss. The rest of the sentence is hurried out before she grasps his face with her hands to drag him in again. ] but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t think about that too.
[ This is a good consolation prize, she thinks. Tangled in the sheets with his weight on top of hers, the smell of him around her. ]
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[ His lips quirk into a smirk against her own, even as he catches her hands and pins them above her head. If only to keep her from wiggling so much - not that it seems to be very effective as she wraps her legs about his waist and tries to drag him down against the enticing heat of her - very naked - body. There’s no way to hide the way he’s hardened beneath his boxers as he half-collapses atop her, pinning her beneath his weight now. He gives a strained groan against her lips when her squirming only emphasizes that even more. ]
Tell me what you thought about.
tagging this nsfw just in case lalala
Breaking away from his kiss is a necessary evil, but only so she can do as she’s asked. WIth his body pressed so close to hers however, she takes the opportunity to pepper whatever she can reach with her lips in kisses — in this case, his collarbone, his shoulder and the gentle curve of his beautiful neck. ]
I thought about washing your hair and running my hands down your neck and chest. [ Small nips and bites are added between her kisses as she fights the temptation to not leave behind marks. ] I thought about reaching down between your legs to take care of you the way you took care of me that night in the maze.
[ As if to emphasize it, there’s a pronounced jut of her pelvis into his hardened cock. ]
You ran away before I could.
Will they? Won’t they? WHO KNOWS
I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep my identity a secret. And I didn’t want to upset you if you found out and weren’t happy about it. I didn’t want to ruin your night.
[ She’d seemed happy enough to indulge with a stranger and he’d been afraid to find out if that would have changed, had she known it was him beneath that mask. ]
IT’S A MYSTERY!!
There’s a brief pause in her kisses however when he explains why he had left so abruptly that evening. It has her peering up at him in thought. In hindsight it would be easy for her to say that she wouldn’t have been upset - but even she knows that that isn’t entirely the truth. Her kisses turn from heated to tender, practically apologetic in nature as she traces the shape of his collarbones with her lips. ]
You definitely didn’t ruin my night, Sylvain. [ That she can admit with certainty; and surprisingly, she finds herself admitting something else that brushes up on something that only seems to surface now. ] I think, maybe, I was more upset about you not telling me it was you. [ She buries her face into the hollow of his collarbone. ] I don’t want us not being honest with one another anymore.
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I should have told you. I’m sorry I kept it a secret. I kept telling myself I didn't know for sure, but… I think that was just an excuse I was telling myself, even when I didn’t fully believe it either.
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Her voice still holds that apologetic quality to it, eyes trained on his. ]
I can't say that I blame you especially after how I reacted at the loft. I would have been hurt too. [ Her eyes suddenly fill with regret. ] I don't think there's anything I can do to ever make it up to you for hurting you like that. But I want to try if you'll let me.
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I shouldn’t have pushed you that night. I forgot myself for a bit, but to be fair, you’re very distracting.
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Her eyes flutter as she savours the taste of him, keeping him close so that their lips are inches apart even after they part. Her free hand settles just over his heart, committing the warmth of his chest under her palm and the steady but gentle heartbeat to memory. ]
I meant it when I said I want all of you, Sylvain. I was scared. It was so much. But I mean it, and I hope you believe it. [ She brushes her nose against his again. ] You don’t even have to return my feelings. I just need you know that you’re so deserving of being wanted and loved.
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[ There’s a soft note of regret in his own tone as he brushes a kiss against the tip of her nose. Leaning forward, he rests his forehead against her own again, even as one hand comes up to cup over hers, cradling it against his chest. He breathes out a quiet, uneasy sigh. ]
I don’t know how to do this. To do something more than just casual sex where there’s safety in it not meaning anything. I don’t want to hurt you when I fuck it up.
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Hilda wants to reassure him that he can’t hurt her. That he won’t hurt her. But if this experience with Claude has taught her anything, it’s that feelings are hurt all the time whether intentional or not. That’s not something anyone can guarantee. Perhaps it’s how they handled it after is what mattered the most.
She feels bare, bearer than how they’re practically naked pressed up against one another now and that feeling in itself is terrifying. Her fingers thread through his against his chest, curling lightly over his heart. ]
I don’t either. Caring for people is so scary - scarier than war sometimes. But I don’t think you’ll fuck it up as badly as you think you will.
[ The fingers tangled in his hair stroke the back of his neck softly. ]
But have you considered that if we hurt each other than we’ll patch it up together too? You aren’t at fault for everything. This involves the both of us.
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He wishes he could be as optimistic as she was. It’s been a long time since he’d thought anything like that. He feels far too cynical for that now. ]
Sweetheart, I think you’re underestimating my singular talent of spectacularly fucking up just about anything I get my hands on. That reputation I had wasn’t just gossip when we were growing up. I’m no good at this. Pretty sure I bring bad luck to any relationship I even consider taking beyond casual. Not that there’ve been a lot of those, either.
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[ The immediate response is past her lips before she can stop herself. There’s defiance there that rears its head. Despite her own chronic aversion to feelings and things of a serious nature, Hilda still so deeply believed in those that she cared for. Maybe her abilities weren’t much to write home about, but it was hard for even the hardest of cynics to dissuade her from her optimism. ]
Who you were at home doesn’t matter. You’re here. The Sylvain I knew then isn’t the same Sylvain I know now.
[ She probably wouldn’t have developed feelings for a younger him beyond that of casual sex but she was smarter than some gave her credit for. Dabbling back then would have caused some sort of trouble. But people were capable of change, and she had seen glimpses of what she suspects he had been hiding during their time at the Academy.
Her hand slips from his neck to brush her thumb against his cheek before pressing a soft kiss to his lips pleadingly. ]
At least give yourself the chance to try.
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What was that line about doing the same thing but expecting different results leading to insanity? He didn’t think Hilda would appreciate that reminder right now, but he can’t help but think it all the same.
Giving himself a chance to try opened up a far darker void than Hilda realized, and one he never wanted to expose her to. Her or Claude. There was a reason he’d been struggling so stubbornly to keep emotions from getting involved here but he was beginning to suspect that these two were far more like those gravity wells Garrus had been telling him about. And he kept getting sucked deeper in no matter how hard he tried to keep himself free.
Plus, it as getting harder and harder to keep reminding himself why he was doing it in the first place.
But Hilda’s words had been a challenge, and he hasn’t changed enough that he’s not completely susceptible to one of those. Even beyond having a hard time denying her anything. So he gives a quiet exhale and presses one more kiss against her lips. ]
I promise I’ll try. I just hope I don’t make you regret it.
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You let me worry about what I’ll regret.
[ It’s so unlike her to say that, to take on such ownership of something so serious but in the moment it escapes her completely. Most of them time she cares little for decisions being made for her when they involve some iota of responsibility. It goes against every cell in her body because her position in life denotes that she’s meant to follow and following to Hilda meant never taking accountability for any matter of importance.
Yet here she is. Trying. Hoping that Sylvain will do the same.
He often said he was a lover and not a fighter, but all of that love often felt directed at everyone but himself. All she wanted to do in that moment was take his hand so they could experience all the joy, all the terror, in accepting that love together. She wanted to walk beside him as much as she wanted him to find refuge in her.
Her eyes become liquid, practically molten pools of adoration as she relinquishes her hold on his chin to hold out her pinky towards him. ]
Pinky promise it, Sylvain.
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I pinky swear.
[ ...Even if he feels a little silly in the process. ]
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Sylvain hooking his pinky around hers fills up with her such childlike joy that as soon as he does, there’s a split second where her expression is caught between something tender and reverential. Untangling her hands from his, she pulls him close. Her legs tighten around his waist as she closes the very small gap left between them to kiss him again.
Having his lips on hers has her her heart banging in her chest, lips parting in a happy rapture. She’s warm all over. Warmed by him, by a potentially terrifying hope that even she runs from but one that she trusts they’ll try to face together. ]
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