I don't think anyone knows how to be a good partner you just sort of learn as you're doing it. And even if you think you're good at it, you can still mess up.
Not that I'm saying I'm an expert. My parents were toxic and I cheated on my perfect college boyfriend. So I just know who I don't want to be as a partner.
Do you go on dates with your guys? If not, you should! I mean, after all this crazy shit is handled. Never underestimate the love language of quality time.
I've already messed up. A lot. Before we even started doing whatever it is we're doing.
We do sometimes. We haven't really had time. And being trapped in a bunker doesn't exactly scream romance. We did go on a camping trip just before this though. That was kind of nice.
Love is a messy business, I'd give yourself a little grace. Like you said, you haven't really done this before. I think people put in their heads that relationships when they're "right" are supposed to be easy, but in my experience that's never been true.
Oh yeah I mean not NOW. It's just good to remember to spend time together because it'll remind you of why you're together and help you feel more connected.
Okay so here I am again, can I ask you why you think you're being selfish? I mean, is it because you're with two of them? Because it doesn't sound like they mind being a trio.
[ Julia's question almost goes unanswered because it's an ugly facet of herself that she hasn't shared with her but after a lengthy pause, a reply comes through. ]
Okay well I just want to note here that I think it's normal to feel that way. When you get something special, being afraid to lose it is natural. Poly doesn't come easily to a lot of people, you're not alone. I'd never done it myself until the dream, I've always been a monogamy kind of gal. Now I'm not sure. To be fair, I didn't think I'd ever be with another person again, so I'm sort of recalibrating.
I think telling yourself you're selfish and being hard on yourself isn't going to change how you feel, it's just going to make you feel bad about the way you feel. We can't control feelings. It's better to let yourself have them and try to move past them, rather than reject them outright.
[ There's a resignation to her words though, hinting that she is trying to accept it if not finding it difficult along with everything else swirling around in her brain. But speaking about it at length certainly doesn't help that and she's been actively working at not thinking about it in those terms. ]ย
You don't have to apologize to me, Hilda. I'm your friend, I'm here for you, always. I'm the one who offered to talk about these things. You can talk to me about boys or about fashion or magic or whatever floats your boat.
I will update you if there's anything to update. For now it's just us and rituals. Please be safe!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Because it still feels like she has something to prove - not to them but to herself. ]
๐๐ฉ๐บ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ข๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ข๐ค๐ฉ ๐ช๐ต ๐ข๐ด ๐ข ๐ฃ๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐ด๐ญ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ? ๐ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฅ๐ถ๐ณ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ต ๐ช๐ง ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ด๐ข๐บ ๐ช๐ต'๐ด ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ง๐ช๐ณ๐ด๐ต ๐ฅ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ต'๐ด ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ง๐ช๐ณ๐ด๐ต ๐ฅ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ! ๐๐ฐ ๐ฆ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ด ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฉ๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ฐ๐ณ๐บ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ค๐ฆ๐ด๐ด๐ข๐ณ๐บ.
no subject
no subject
๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ข๐ญ๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ช๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ข๐จ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐ค๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ข ๐ง๐ช๐ณ๐ด๐ต ๐ฅ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ? ๐'๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ, ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ข๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ธ๐ฐ. ๐๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฎ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ด ๐ค๐ญ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ข๐ด ๐ช๐ต ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต๐ด ๐ช๐ฏ ๐รณ๐ฅ๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ.
no subject
Not that I'm saying I'm an expert. My parents were toxic and I cheated on my perfect college boyfriend. So I just know who I don't want to be as a partner.
Do you go on dates with your guys? If not, you should! I mean, after all this crazy shit is handled. Never underestimate the love language of quality time.
no subject
We do sometimes. We haven't really had time. And being trapped in a bunker doesn't exactly scream romance. We did go on a camping trip just before this though. That was kind of nice.
no subject
Oh yeah I mean not NOW. It's just good to remember to spend time together because it'll remind you of why you're together and help you feel more connected.
no subject
[ In comparison, life here is far simpler. ]
๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง๐ช๐ด๐ฉ. ๐ ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ต๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ.
[ She needs to do better. ]
๐๐ถ๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ'๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต. ๐๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ธ๐ข๐บ ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ฏ๐ช๐ค๐ฆ. ๐๐ด๐ด๐ถ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ธ๐ฆ ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต.
no subject
no subject
[ Julia's question almost goes unanswered because it's an ugly facet of herself that she hasn't shared with her but after a lengthy pause, a reply comes through. ]
๐'๐ฎ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง๐ช๐ด๐ฉ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ค๐ข๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐ข ๐ฑ๐ข๐ณ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ข๐ญ๐ธ๐ข๐บ๐ด ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ง๐ณ๐ข๐ช๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ'๐ญ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ด๐ฆ. ๐๐ณ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ข๐ค๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ด๐ฆ. ๐๐ถ๐ต ๐ ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต'๐ด ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ช๐ณ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ต๐ด ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฌ. ๐๐ฐ ๐ช๐ง ๐ ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ด๐ต๐ข๐บ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฎ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต'๐ด ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ข๐ค๐ค๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ต. ๐๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ค๐ค๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ต ๐ช๐ต - ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ข๐ด ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ๐ญ๐บ ๐ข๐ด ๐ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ค๐ข๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ฎ๐บ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง.
๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฎ ๐ต๐ข๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐จ๐ด๐ต ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ๐ด.
no subject
Okay well I just want to note here that I think it's normal to feel that way. When you get something special, being afraid to lose it is natural. Poly doesn't come easily to a lot of people, you're not alone. I'd never done it myself until the dream, I've always been a monogamy kind of gal. Now I'm not sure. To be fair, I didn't think I'd ever be with another person again, so I'm sort of recalibrating.
I think telling yourself you're selfish and being hard on yourself isn't going to change how you feel, it's just going to make you feel bad about the way you feel. We can't control feelings. It's better to let yourself have them and try to move past them, rather than reject them outright.
no subject
[ There's a resignation to her words though, hinting that she is trying to accept it if not finding it difficult along with everything else swirling around in her brain. But speaking about it at length certainly doesn't help that and she's been actively working at not thinking about it in those terms. ]ย
๐ ๐ข๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ค๐ช๐ข๐ต๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฅ๐ด ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ข๐จ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ. ๐๐ฐ๐ณ๐ณ๐บ ๐'๐ฎ ๐ด๐ถ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐บ.ย
๐ ๐ฎ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต ๐จ๐ฐ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ - ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฑ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฅ๐ช๐ค๐ข๐ญ ๐ฃ๐ข๐บ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ณ๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ด๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ช๐ฆ๐ด. ๐๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ช๐ง ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ด ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ?
no subject
You don't have to apologize to me, Hilda. I'm your friend, I'm here for you, always. I'm the one who offered to talk about these things. You can talk to me about boys or about fashion or magic or whatever floats your boat.
I will update you if there's anything to update. For now it's just us and rituals. Please be safe!