I've already messed up. A lot. Before we even started doing whatever it is we're doing.
We do sometimes. We haven't really had time. And being trapped in a bunker doesn't exactly scream romance. We did go on a camping trip just before this though. That was kind of nice.
Love is a messy business, I'd give yourself a little grace. Like you said, you haven't really done this before. I think people put in their heads that relationships when they're "right" are supposed to be easy, but in my experience that's never been true.
Oh yeah I mean not NOW. It's just good to remember to spend time together because it'll remind you of why you're together and help you feel more connected.
Okay so here I am again, can I ask you why you think you're being selfish? I mean, is it because you're with two of them? Because it doesn't sound like they mind being a trio.
[ Julia's question almost goes unanswered because it's an ugly facet of herself that she hasn't shared with her but after a lengthy pause, a reply comes through. ]
Okay well I just want to note here that I think it's normal to feel that way. When you get something special, being afraid to lose it is natural. Poly doesn't come easily to a lot of people, you're not alone. I'd never done it myself until the dream, I've always been a monogamy kind of gal. Now I'm not sure. To be fair, I didn't think I'd ever be with another person again, so I'm sort of recalibrating.
I think telling yourself you're selfish and being hard on yourself isn't going to change how you feel, it's just going to make you feel bad about the way you feel. We can't control feelings. It's better to let yourself have them and try to move past them, rather than reject them outright.
[ There's a resignation to her words though, hinting that she is trying to accept it if not finding it difficult along with everything else swirling around in her brain. But speaking about it at length certainly doesn't help that and she's been actively working at not thinking about it in those terms. ]
You don't have to apologize to me, Hilda. I'm your friend, I'm here for you, always. I'm the one who offered to talk about these things. You can talk to me about boys or about fashion or magic or whatever floats your boat.
I will update you if there's anything to update. For now it's just us and rituals. Please be safe!
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We do sometimes. We haven't really had time. And being trapped in a bunker doesn't exactly scream romance. We did go on a camping trip just before this though. That was kind of nice.
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Oh yeah I mean not NOW. It's just good to remember to spend time together because it'll remind you of why you're together and help you feel more connected.
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[ In comparison, life here is far simpler. ]
𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘩. 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳.
[ She needs to do better. ]
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘛𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘦. 𝘈𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵.
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[ Julia's question almost goes unanswered because it's an ugly facet of herself that she hasn't shared with her but after a lengthy pause, a reply comes through. ]
𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦. 𝘖𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬. 𝘚𝘰 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘪𝘵 - 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧.
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘵𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴.
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Okay well I just want to note here that I think it's normal to feel that way. When you get something special, being afraid to lose it is natural. Poly doesn't come easily to a lot of people, you're not alone. I'd never done it myself until the dream, I've always been a monogamy kind of gal. Now I'm not sure. To be fair, I didn't think I'd ever be with another person again, so I'm sort of recalibrating.
I think telling yourself you're selfish and being hard on yourself isn't going to change how you feel, it's just going to make you feel bad about the way you feel. We can't control feelings. It's better to let yourself have them and try to move past them, rather than reject them outright.
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[ There's a resignation to her words though, hinting that she is trying to accept it if not finding it difficult along with everything else swirling around in her brain. But speaking about it at length certainly doesn't help that and she's been actively working at not thinking about it in those terms. ]
𝘐 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩. 𝘚𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘺.
𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 - 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴. 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦?
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You don't have to apologize to me, Hilda. I'm your friend, I'm here for you, always. I'm the one who offered to talk about these things. You can talk to me about boys or about fashion or magic or whatever floats your boat.
I will update you if there's anything to update. For now it's just us and rituals. Please be safe!