[ The first thing to come to mind is past her lips, bright but false in the sense that it's as much of a lie to herself as it is an attempt to reassure him. Realizing that he still has the ability to skim the surface of their feelings she hesitates before correcting herself. ]
Well, as okay as I can be. I feel like I've been nursing a headache for several days.
[ It's only perpetuated by all of the information she'd been stuffing into her brain. If this was only two classes worth of work she didn't know how she was going to get through the rest. Thoughts of class are far from her mind at the moment. Her eyes stay trained in him still filled with concern even as he presses a kiss to her hands and she leans into his embrace. ]
I'm only asking because you haven't been yourself. For good reason, obviously. [ Her thumb brushes against his cheek. ] I didn't want to press anything because, well. You know.
[ He gives her a light squeeze before tugging her towards the door instead. ]
Come on. Let's go out on the terrace for a bit. The fresh air will do us both some good, I think. And if you stretch out on the swing, I can give you a massage, if you like? It might help with that headache.
[ And give them a quiet place to talk. Because he thinks they need it. They always did their best talking on the roof. No matter which one it was. ]
[ Sylvain's suggestion is met with a nod and no hesitation as she follows suit, grabbing a sun hat on the way out.
The garden, despite their absence, is alive and well thanks to the hydroponics system and attentive care from both Sylvain and Claude. It's almost as if they had never been gone and the time before they had been thrown into the crater had really been like a dream. But she knows better. As powerful as her denial can be, whatever it is that happened to them had left a lasting effect on all of them.
When they arrive at the shaded swing, instead of laying out on the seat herself, she urges him to lie down first. ]
You can give me a massage after. I hear I give pretty good massages - and you look like you need one more than me.
[ He lies down, but instead of stretching out on his stomach, he stays on his back instead. And draws her down to sprawl against his broad chest, arms wrapped warmly around her. ]
[ There's not far for her to fall into him considering she had been urging him to lie down. Hilda let's out a small sound of surprise all the same but it's quick to turn into a fond laugh as she nestles into the parts of him that feel like are made for her. ]
Well, my offer still stands.
[ Draping her arms loosely around his neck, her fingers curl into the air at the nape of his neck to play with them. There's a beat as she observes him as if looking for a physical sign of what this could be about – aside from the obvious. ]
You can't have just come to find me though for a cuddle. [ She twirls a strand of red hair around her finger. ] Is it about what happened to us?
You have. I just have to be humble about my title as Best Cuddler in the Loft.
[ Because there were plenty of pets and humans to account for among those in the running to Best Cuddler. Jokes aside, they both know that there's more to this than that - even if they continue their dance around it.
Each of them it seemed was more concerned about ensuring that the other was okay before even beginning to address how it might make them feel. At least godhood hadn't gotten to their heads in that regard. But if there's anything she's learned, it's that sharing how she honestly feels with him is a quiet sign to him that he can do the same with her.
She hums, gaze settling on a place somewhere just behind his ear. ]
A little. I don't really believe that I could ever be a god or remotely that powerful so becoming too power hungry isn't what I'm worried about. It's other things - like how I experienced so much but still didn't feel like I got what I really wanted at the end of the day.
I don't think that's anything you have to be humble about.
[ She still has it, hands down, although the leosylphs are close behind. If she learns how to purr, she'll never have to worry about competition at all.
He falls quiet, letting her gather her thoughts, and listens intently when she finally answers. Even if there's a slight frown lingering on his lips at the answer itself. He reaches up, brushing her hair back off her face as he searches her expression. ]
And what was it you really wanted? What didn't you get?
[ He knows Claude wasn't really all that content with the life he'd lived either. Which made him feel a little bit guilty, because his experience had, by far and large, been so beyond anything he could have ever hoped for. Even with all the pain and heartbreak that had been involved at the start. ]
What she wanted was part of the reason she had been putting off speaking to both Sylvain and Claude. They claimed that they were happy to indulge her selfishness, but the realizations she had come to about her wants outside of the dream and beyond into the future were likely things neither of them wanted. She didn't want to sound ungrateful for what she had had.
She arranges her face in a smile and there's sincerity there. ]
It's not that important. I got a lot of what I wanted anyway.
[ A hand comes to cup his cheek, brushing her thumb against his sun-kissed skin and the freckles that were beginning to peek through thanks to the summer sun. ]
Like time with the both of you. More time than I thought we'd ever get.
[ His soft confession makes her melt and she's quick to return a show of her own affection, pressing up slightly to kiss his nose before pressing the lightest of kisses to the corner of his mouth that had lifted.
There has always been comfort and safety there with him even in their lowest moments. Eight hundred years had only served to cement that feeling. And it's for that reason why she's reluctant to be the cause of discomfort, or potentially, ruining what they have. ]
But that's the thing – whatever I want isn't nearly as important as the both of you because you're both here with me now. And if that version of me didn't need it then I should be fine with it too.
[ That may be one of the few things she'd want to keep from their "time" as gods. A little furrow appears between her brows this time, voice quieting. ]
Besides, I don't know how much time we'll have here. And the thought of not being able to be with either of you...
Should be. [ he echoes her, his brow wrinkling slightly in return. ] But you're not.
[ It's a question, and it isn't. But when she goes on to explain, he leans in and brushes a kiss against her lips. The tip of her nose. That little furrow between her brows, trying to smooth it away. ]
We never know how much time we have, sweetness. That's been true here, and home, anywhere we might have ended up together. No one knows that. Not even gods, I'd guess. Because I sure didn't when I was one. If that's what we actually were.
[ He taps the tip of her nose with a fingertip, light and affectionate. ] For what it's worth, I don't intend to go anywhere.
[ The way the furrowed brows remain even in the face of a soft kiss that attempts to erase them is a sign that "should be" isn't quite convincing enough for her either. But the anxiety that she feels towards them definitely is enough.
All the same, hearing him promise her that he isn't going to leave - that he doesn't want to leave - helps some. But only some. ]
I know. I know that we don't know how much time we'll have and that you wouldn't leave on your own accord but I guess I -
[ Catching herself she gives her head another shake. Instead she lets another source of anxiety that had been plaguing her slip. ]
I'm just worried that those eight hundred years was enough for you to realize that you might not want to stay with me after all of that.
[ The number of lovers they had all taken over the course of eight hundred years wasn't exactly easy to forget. And while she knows it's a dream and none of it was real, the feelings that coil tightly in her chest try to make her think they are. She can't help but offer a depreciating laugh at her own expense. ]
Don't get me wrong, my god self was pretty but she was also all the ugliest parts of me.
[ He blinks at her for a moment before giving a soft, incredulous laugh. ]
Hilda. I'm impressed you managed to put up with me for 800 days, let along 800 years. I never expected anyone to... to actually want to keep me around. The fact that you and Claude continue to do so, despite how epically I've fucked this up a few times... [ He shakes his head, giving another laugh, softer this time. ] I haven't had enough. I'm not sure there is an enough.
[ His hand comes to cup at her cheek, tipping her face towards him so he can hold her gaze. So she can see the seriousness in his expression. The earnestness. ]
I love you, Hilda Goneril. And those are words I never thought I'd say to anyone, let alone mean them. Our time together hasn't diminished that at all. If anything, it's only made it grow. And that includes all the pretty parts and the ugly parts and everything in between. It's still you. And that's all I want. All of it.
Sylvain, we all fucked up at one point. Not all of that should be something you should –
[ Had her instinct not immediately been to lightly chide him for putting himself down like that, she might have been less surprised at the admission that follows. Or is it more like a declaration? Her protest immediately catches in her throat and she finds herself acutely aware of the way that she had drawn in a sharp breath that she hadn't let go of. Unable to look anywhere else even if she wanted to, she stares back at his amber gaze struck by the conviction of his words. Oh, she thinks, he means it.
There's a moment where she waits for the tidal wave of protests that her mind is so often ready to allow flood past her lips to come. In between running around so she didn't have to think and checking on others she had subconsciously been preparing herself for pre-determined outcomes. Had been steeling herself for inevitable heartbreak and for what it would take to move on. But none of those outcomes had been this.
Only in her silly, stupidest, coziest daydreams could she have thought Sylvain would be offering her his heart and hoping she'd do the same. It had never occurred to her that she'd ever be in this scenario. She should say something, shouldn't she? This is the part where she should say something meaningful and sincere.
Instead she pinches her arm and then his cheek in quick succession. Faintly she utters –]
I'm not dreaming. [ Cethlann's tits she isn't dreaming. And then time seems to speed up, her heart beating so rapidly she swears he can hear it. ] You – me? I, um, I had something for this. Can you – can you give me a second? I promise I’m coming back and I’m not running away I just —
[ After a moment of very clumsy untangling from his arms she rushes from the balcony and returns breathless moments later. Climbing back onto his lap and tugging him up with one hand, she clutches the box she had shoved out of sight earlier close to her heart. ]
Okay.
[ …Actually she might need another minute. ]
Edited (I saw a typo don't look at me or the timestamp ) 2024-06-23 07:52 (UTC)
[ Sylvain hadn't been sure what reaction he'd been expecting from her in response to his unexpected confession but... he can safely say it had not been this.
He's rubbing his reddening cheek (from her pinch) as he watches her dash off and then back, flustered and out of breath, and officially starts worrying that maybe he should have planned this better. Especially since her first reaction had been to pinch them both before realizing she wasn't dreaming.
Not that he's really surprised by that reaction, either. He supposes he's fortunate she hadn't just laughed in his face.
Still, he sits up and eases her onto her lap when she climbs atop him once more, clutching something to her chest and he swallows, trying not to be worried about whatever was happening here. ]
[ Another beat of silence follows as she tries to catch her breath even though she hadn't really run that far. Maybe her body is trying to give her space to breathe and time to collect her racing thoughts. To form the feelings she had tried to confine into a small corner of her heart until, like flowers they had bloomed, bursting from the small place she'd tried to keep them in so they wouldn't interfere with whatever transpired between Sylvain and Claude. But flowers weren't meant to be confined to the darkness. They needed sunlight to grow and they needed care and attention to thrive.
In spite of her best efforts to pretend that they didn't exist, her feelings had grown all on their own. They had arrived unannounced. But had they really? All the times she had looked for him in a crowd, how she had committed his footsteps to memory comes to mind. What about all of the times they had been apart and how she wanted nothing more than to run back and tell him even the most mundane things about her day? And then there was the way she can't begin to express how stupid she feels when he smiles and it's like her breaths are being stolen in that moment, or how the way their fingers threading together feels more intimate than anything they'd ever done. He had quietly coloured the way she saw the world without even trying, making her think about what he would do in a situation and how she wanted to be better for him. Stronger for him. Worthy of a love like his as if she could somehow compare the others that occupied his heart. She hadn't known what to call her silly, fragile feelings. But she knew now. ]
I know it's hard for you to think that you're deserving of love because you think you're imperfect in some way. But you've always been brilliant to me just being you. Not your Crest, not whoever it is your father hopes you'll be or what you think people need you to be. Just you. And to have gotten to know you has been the most precious gift anyone could have given me - I want more of your time. I want to know more about you. I want stay by your side and adore all the pieces that you don't think are deserving of it so that you can see yourself the same way I see you.
[ Her hand moves, shifting the box in her hand so that he can see it better. Just before she cracks it open however she blurts out - ]
Just so you don't freak out, this isn't a ring. I'm not proposing.
[ Today seemed to be a day for prefaces. If he had noticed the earring she'd made for him had disappeared, it's because she'd melted it down and made it anew. What had been a single alexandrite stud, had been transformed into an ear climber: three stones sparkle and glint in the light. A brilliant yellow tourmaline, a deep red ruby, and a pink sapphire. She lets out the nervous breath she had been holding in as a tentative, shy smile blossoms. ]
I love you too, Sylvain. In all the ways there is to love you.
[ As he was, who he is, and whoever he chooses to be. ]
Edited (i saw a typo my god) 2024-06-24 01:51 (UTC)
[ He thought he'd been prepared for whatever was going to come out of her mouth, but that only lasts as long as it takes for the words to actually start. And then he finds him struggling with the urge to squirm under the weight of her gaze. The feeling of being seen. For all the attention he'd always had around him, so few of those eyes had ever seen him.
She was different. Oh, maybe she hadn't been so much back in their days at the Academy, but here... everything has been different since they've come here. Been afforded opportunities they never would have had back in Fodlan. For all the troubles being in Abraxas had brought them, he could never bring himself to regret even a moment. Not when it had given him so much more than he'd ever imagined possible.
Even if he eyes that little box a little dubiously, because they both know what that looks like, and he's not sure how he feels about that. So her preface gets a short, aborted bark of laughter from him, because he might have freaked out, if his brain had been left to spiral there without her interrupting it.
And then he's too busy staring at the item within to worry about any of that.
He'd noted his earring was missing, of course he had. It was among his most precious possessions and he'd mourned it, thinking he'd somehow lost it when being dragged to the Singularity or back. He'd had it, before that strange far future, but he couldn't find it when he got back, and he'd assumed the worst. But now this...
He reaches out to brush his fingers over its smooth, delicate surface, marveling at the beauty of it. ]
[ Even though he’d just told her that he loved her minutes before, a part of her can’t help but worry a little all the same as she watches him. Her heart is practically beating out of her chest making her feel like she’s run a marathon when the only thing she’s doing is sitting still telling a man that her younger self would have never imagined in a million years believed that she could love romantically.
She had been thinking about the time that she’d told him she thought he was shallow and that she loved him but not in the way that he often tossed it around with women at Garreg Mach as of late. It’s true that she hadn’t loved him then; couldn’t even have contemplated that being a possibility. But hadn’t they both been wearing masks of their own? Hadn’t they both needed time to grow up a little?
There was something beautiful in being able to grow apart before coming back to grow together. That story hadn’t ever been told in the books she read. But maybe, they could write their own.
When he finally does speak she nods, earnest. Nervous. ]
Do you like it? I should have told you that I was taking the other earring but I wanted it to be a surprise.
[ The colour in her cheeks deepens. ]
I wanted to give it to you as a part of your birthday present but I wasn’t sure if it would be too much or you’d think that it was silly or too flashy. [ And she was certain that Claude would be able to provide a better birthday gift anyway. ] But it was important to me that you know how much you mean to Claude and I. That even if we're not with you, you'll have a physical reminder of it.
[ His voice is a little husky with emotion as he turns and leans in. His free hand cups against her cheek as he kisses her, slow and soft, before pulling back just enough to give her a smile full of fondness. ]
[ Whatever worry she had felt dispels in the next exhale, giving way to the sweetness and warmth of his kiss. When they part, the smile that she gives him mirrors the one on his face. She nods, making quick work of setting it into his ear alongside the earring that Claude had bought for him. It had bothered her in the past to see it. Pricked at her heart as a reminder of the way she had acted and all the feelings that had come with that.
And while she's reluctant to admit as much, it serves as a reminder of what she can't allow them to go back to. There were things she still wanted, things that she still hoped for her future. But she wouldn't allow herself to be that self-destructive again. Not that she now had other hearts to consider. She would protect the peace they were trying to settle into even if it meant the expense of what she wanted. Then maybe some day she'd think herself worthy of that affection.
Her fingers brush against the shell of his ear, settling it into place. ]
I don't have a mirror on me so you'll just have to trust that it looks good. If anything feels weird, we can always readjust it.
[ He catches her hand, pressing it against his cheek with a fond smile. ]
I don't need to see it to know it's perfect. Thank you, Hilda.
[ he leans in to brush a kiss against her lips, even as he gives a soft chuckle. ] Although now I feel a little silly not bringing you a gift or flowers or something. I can... make you lunch?
[ There's a playful teasing light in his eyes, because he knows that's not the point. But she's not the only one who always worries over being worthy of this. ]
[ He leans in to give her more of those kisses, then flops them both down on the swinging bed to get comfortable, tangling his legs with hers as he tucks her against his chest. ]
We can do lunch in a little while. Why don’t we just enjoy being here for a little while instead?
[ She had been lost in her own thoughts again all to worried about the feelings that swirled inside her heart. But while she had worried, the fear in her heart seems to have dissipated, replaced with such a feeling of warmth that she finds it hard to believe she felt any of claws of that fear claw at her to begin with.
Here in Sylvain's arms feels like the most natural thing in the world and she rests her head on against his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat, reassuring, constant. Her thumb brushes gently across his cheek. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ The first thing to come to mind is past her lips, bright but false in the sense that it's as much of a lie to herself as it is an attempt to reassure him. Realizing that he still has the ability to skim the surface of their feelings she hesitates before correcting herself. ]
Well, as okay as I can be. I feel like I've been nursing a headache for several days.
[ It's only perpetuated by all of the information she'd been stuffing into her brain. If this was only two classes worth of work she didn't know how she was going to get through the rest. Thoughts of class are far from her mind at the moment. Her eyes stay trained in him still filled with concern even as he presses a kiss to her hands and she leans into his embrace. ]
I'm only asking because you haven't been yourself. For good reason, obviously. [ Her thumb brushes against his cheek. ] I didn't want to press anything because, well. You know.
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Come on. Let's go out on the terrace for a bit. The fresh air will do us both some good, I think. And if you stretch out on the swing, I can give you a massage, if you like? It might help with that headache.
[ And give them a quiet place to talk. Because he thinks they need it. They always did their best talking on the roof. No matter which one it was. ]
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The garden, despite their absence, is alive and well thanks to the hydroponics system and attentive care from both Sylvain and Claude. It's almost as if they had never been gone and the time before they had been thrown into the crater had really been like a dream. But she knows better. As powerful as her denial can be, whatever it is that happened to them had left a lasting effect on all of them.
When they arrive at the shaded swing, instead of laying out on the seat herself, she urges him to lie down first. ]
You can give me a massage after. I hear I give pretty good massages - and you look like you need one more than me.
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I could use this more.
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Well, my offer still stands.
[ Draping her arms loosely around his neck, her fingers curl into the air at the nape of his neck to play with them. There's a beat as she observes him as if looking for a physical sign of what this could be about – aside from the obvious. ]
You can't have just come to find me though for a cuddle. [ She twirls a strand of red hair around her finger. ] Is it about what happened to us?
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[ He arches an eyebrow at the ridiculousness of that proclamation. ]
I happen to love cuddling with you. Have I not made that clear yet?
[ His hands slide down her spine, soothing and comforting in turn, even as he searches her face, hovering above him. ]
A lot happened to us. You might want to be a bit more specific. Is it worrying you?
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[ Because there were plenty of pets and humans to account for among those in the running to Best Cuddler. Jokes aside, they both know that there's more to this than that - even if they continue their dance around it.
Each of them it seemed was more concerned about ensuring that the other was okay before even beginning to address how it might make them feel. At least godhood hadn't gotten to their heads in that regard. But if there's anything she's learned, it's that sharing how she honestly feels with him is a quiet sign to him that he can do the same with her.
She hums, gaze settling on a place somewhere just behind his ear. ]
A little. I don't really believe that I could ever be a god or remotely that powerful so becoming too power hungry isn't what I'm worried about. It's other things - like how I experienced so much but still didn't feel like I got what I really wanted at the end of the day.
[ Her gaze turns back towards him. ]
Is it worrying you?
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[ She still has it, hands down, although the leosylphs are close behind. If she learns how to purr, she'll never have to worry about competition at all.
He falls quiet, letting her gather her thoughts, and listens intently when she finally answers. Even if there's a slight frown lingering on his lips at the answer itself. He reaches up, brushing her hair back off her face as he searches her expression. ]
And what was it you really wanted? What didn't you get?
[ He knows Claude wasn't really all that content with the life he'd lived either. Which made him feel a little bit guilty, because his experience had, by far and large, been so beyond anything he could have ever hoped for. Even with all the pain and heartbreak that had been involved at the start. ]
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What she wanted was part of the reason she had been putting off speaking to both Sylvain and Claude. They claimed that they were happy to indulge her selfishness, but the realizations she had come to about her wants outside of the dream and beyond into the future were likely things neither of them wanted. She didn't want to sound ungrateful for what she had had.
She arranges her face in a smile and there's sincerity there. ]
It's not that important. I got a lot of what I wanted anyway.
[ A hand comes to cup his cheek, brushing her thumb against his sun-kissed skin and the freckles that were beginning to peek through thanks to the summer sun. ]
Like time with the both of you. More time than I thought we'd ever get.
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That was my favorite part, too. [ he confesses softly, a corner of his lips quirking upwards.
But he’s not letting her wriggle out of this conversation that easily. ]
It’s important if it’s worrying you so much.
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There has always been comfort and safety there with him even in their lowest moments. Eight hundred years had only served to cement that feeling. And it's for that reason why she's reluctant to be the cause of discomfort, or potentially, ruining what they have. ]
But that's the thing – whatever I want isn't nearly as important as the both of you because you're both here with me now. And if that version of me didn't need it then I should be fine with it too.
[ That may be one of the few things she'd want to keep from their "time" as gods. A little furrow appears between her brows this time, voice quieting. ]
Besides, I don't know how much time we'll have here. And the thought of not being able to be with either of you...
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[ It's a question, and it isn't. But when she goes on to explain, he leans in and brushes a kiss against her lips. The tip of her nose. That little furrow between her brows, trying to smooth it away. ]
We never know how much time we have, sweetness. That's been true here, and home, anywhere we might have ended up together. No one knows that. Not even gods, I'd guess. Because I sure didn't when I was one. If that's what we actually were.
[ He taps the tip of her nose with a fingertip, light and affectionate. ] For what it's worth, I don't intend to go anywhere.
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All the same, hearing him promise her that he isn't going to leave - that he doesn't want to leave - helps some. But only some. ]
I know. I know that we don't know how much time we'll have and that you wouldn't leave on your own accord but I guess I -
[ Catching herself she gives her head another shake. Instead she lets another source of anxiety that had been plaguing her slip. ]
I'm just worried that those eight hundred years was enough for you to realize that you might not want to stay with me after all of that.
[ The number of lovers they had all taken over the course of eight hundred years wasn't exactly easy to forget. And while she knows it's a dream and none of it was real, the feelings that coil tightly in her chest try to make her think they are. She can't help but offer a depreciating laugh at her own expense. ]
Don't get me wrong, my god self was pretty but she was also all the ugliest parts of me.
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Hilda. I'm impressed you managed to put up with me for 800 days, let along 800 years. I never expected anyone to... to actually want to keep me around. The fact that you and Claude continue to do so, despite how epically I've fucked this up a few times... [ He shakes his head, giving another laugh, softer this time. ] I haven't had enough. I'm not sure there is an enough.
[ His hand comes to cup at her cheek, tipping her face towards him so he can hold her gaze. So she can see the seriousness in his expression. The earnestness. ]
I love you, Hilda Goneril. And those are words I never thought I'd say to anyone, let alone mean them. Our time together hasn't diminished that at all. If anything, it's only made it grow. And that includes all the pretty parts and the ugly parts and everything in between. It's still you. And that's all I want. All of it.
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[ Had her instinct not immediately been to lightly chide him for putting himself down like that, she might have been less surprised at the admission that follows. Or is it more like a declaration? Her protest immediately catches in her throat and she finds herself acutely aware of the way that she had drawn in a sharp breath that she hadn't let go of. Unable to look anywhere else even if she wanted to, she stares back at his amber gaze struck by the conviction of his words. Oh, she thinks, he means it.
There's a moment where she waits for the tidal wave of protests that her mind is so often ready to allow flood past her lips to come. In between running around so she didn't have to think and checking on others she had subconsciously been preparing herself for pre-determined outcomes. Had been steeling herself for inevitable heartbreak and for what it would take to move on. But none of those outcomes had been this.
Only in her silly, stupidest, coziest daydreams could she have thought Sylvain would be offering her his heart and hoping she'd do the same. It had never occurred to her that she'd ever be in this scenario. She should say something, shouldn't she? This is the part where she should say something meaningful and sincere.
Instead she pinches her arm and then his cheek in quick succession. Faintly she utters –]
I'm not dreaming. [ Cethlann's tits she isn't dreaming. And then time seems to speed up, her heart beating so rapidly she swears he can hear it. ] You – me? I, um, I had something for this. Can you – can you give me a second? I promise I’m coming back and I’m not running away I just —
[ After a moment of very clumsy untangling from his arms she rushes from the balcony and returns breathless moments later. Climbing back onto his lap and tugging him up with one hand, she clutches the box she had shoved out of sight earlier close to her heart. ]
Okay.
[ …Actually she might need another minute. ]
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He's rubbing his reddening cheek (from her pinch) as he watches her dash off and then back, flustered and out of breath, and officially starts worrying that maybe he should have planned this better. Especially since her first reaction had been to pinch them both before realizing she wasn't dreaming.
Not that he's really surprised by that reaction, either. He supposes he's fortunate she hadn't just laughed in his face.
Still, he sits up and eases her onto her lap when she climbs atop him once more, clutching something to her chest and he swallows, trying not to be worried about whatever was happening here. ]
....Okay...?
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In spite of her best efforts to pretend that they didn't exist, her feelings had grown all on their own. They had arrived unannounced. But had they really? All the times she had looked for him in a crowd, how she had committed his footsteps to memory comes to mind. What about all of the times they had been apart and how she wanted nothing more than to run back and tell him even the most mundane things about her day? And then there was the way she can't begin to express how stupid she feels when he smiles and it's like her breaths are being stolen in that moment, or how the way their fingers threading together feels more intimate than anything they'd ever done. He had quietly coloured the way she saw the world without even trying, making her think about what he would do in a situation and how she wanted to be better for him. Stronger for him. Worthy of a love like his as if she could somehow compare the others that occupied his heart. She hadn't known what to call her silly, fragile feelings. But she knew now. ]
I know it's hard for you to think that you're deserving of love because you think you're imperfect in some way. But you've always been brilliant to me just being you. Not your Crest, not whoever it is your father hopes you'll be or what you think people need you to be. Just you. And to have gotten to know you has been the most precious gift anyone could have given me - I want more of your time. I want to know more about you. I want stay by your side and adore all the pieces that you don't think are deserving of it so that you can see yourself the same way I see you.
[ Her hand moves, shifting the box in her hand so that he can see it better. Just before she cracks it open however she blurts out - ]
Just so you don't freak out, this isn't a ring. I'm not proposing.
[ Today seemed to be a day for prefaces. If he had noticed the earring she'd made for him had disappeared, it's because she'd melted it down and made it anew. What had been a single alexandrite stud, had been transformed into an ear climber: three stones sparkle and glint in the light. A brilliant yellow tourmaline, a deep red ruby, and a pink sapphire. She lets out the nervous breath she had been holding in as a tentative, shy smile blossoms. ]
I love you too, Sylvain. In all the ways there is to love you.
[ As he was, who he is, and whoever he chooses to be. ]
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She was different. Oh, maybe she hadn't been so much back in their days at the Academy, but here... everything has been different since they've come here. Been afforded opportunities they never would have had back in Fodlan. For all the troubles being in Abraxas had brought them, he could never bring himself to regret even a moment. Not when it had given him so much more than he'd ever imagined possible.
Even if he eyes that little box a little dubiously, because they both know what that looks like, and he's not sure how he feels about that. So her preface gets a short, aborted bark of laughter from him, because he might have freaked out, if his brain had been left to spiral there without her interrupting it.
And then he's too busy staring at the item within to worry about any of that.
He'd noted his earring was missing, of course he had. It was among his most precious possessions and he'd mourned it, thinking he'd somehow lost it when being dragged to the Singularity or back. He'd had it, before that strange far future, but he couldn't find it when he got back, and he'd assumed the worst. But now this...
He reaches out to brush his fingers over its smooth, delicate surface, marveling at the beauty of it. ]
This... it's us?
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She had been thinking about the time that she’d told him she thought he was shallow and that she loved him but not in the way that he often tossed it around with women at Garreg Mach as of late. It’s true that she hadn’t loved him then; couldn’t even have contemplated that being a possibility. But hadn’t they both been wearing masks of their own? Hadn’t they both needed time to grow up a little?
There was something beautiful in being able to grow apart before coming back to grow together. That story hadn’t ever been told in the books she read. But maybe, they could write their own.
When he finally does speak she nods, earnest. Nervous. ]
Do you like it? I should have told you that I was taking the other earring but I wanted it to be a surprise.
[ The colour in her cheeks deepens. ]
I wanted to give it to you as a part of your birthday present but I wasn’t sure if it would be too much or you’d think that it was silly or too flashy. [ And she was certain that Claude would be able to provide a better birthday gift anyway. ] But it was important to me that you know how much you mean to Claude and I. That even if we're not with you, you'll have a physical reminder of it.
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[ His voice is a little husky with emotion as he turns and leans in. His free hand cups against her cheek as he kisses her, slow and soft, before pulling back just enough to give her a smile full of fondness. ]
Will you put it in for me?
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And while she's reluctant to admit as much, it serves as a reminder of what she can't allow them to go back to. There were things she still wanted, things that she still hoped for her future. But she wouldn't allow herself to be that self-destructive again. Not that she now had other hearts to consider. She would protect the peace they were trying to settle into even if it meant the expense of what she wanted. Then maybe some day she'd think herself worthy of that affection.
Her fingers brush against the shell of his ear, settling it into place. ]
I don't have a mirror on me so you'll just have to trust that it looks good. If anything feels weird, we can always readjust it.
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I don't need to see it to know it's perfect. Thank you, Hilda.
[ he leans in to brush a kiss against her lips, even as he gives a soft chuckle. ] Although now I feel a little silly not bringing you a gift or flowers or something. I can... make you lunch?
[ There's a playful teasing light in his eyes, because he knows that's not the point. But she's not the only one who always worries over being worthy of this. ]
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Well if you're offering I would happily take all of the above.
[ She melts into his touch, hands coming to cup the sides of his face tenderly. ]
But I'd settle for more kisses. And time with you before you run off to do whatever you had planned to do before I interrupted them.
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[ He leans in to give her more of those kisses, then flops them both down on the swinging bed to get comfortable, tangling his legs with hers as he tucks her against his chest. ]
We can do lunch in a little while. Why don’t we just enjoy being here for a little while instead?
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[ She had been lost in her own thoughts again all to worried about the feelings that swirled inside her heart. But while she had worried, the fear in her heart seems to have dissipated, replaced with such a feeling of warmth that she finds it hard to believe she felt any of claws of that fear claw at her to begin with.
Here in Sylvain's arms feels like the most natural thing in the world and she rests her head on against his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat, reassuring, constant. Her thumb brushes gently across his cheek. ]
I love you, Sylvain.
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