Sylvain, we all fucked up at one point. Not all of that should be something you should –
[ Had her instinct not immediately been to lightly chide him for putting himself down like that, she might have been less surprised at the admission that follows. Or is it more like a declaration? Her protest immediately catches in her throat and she finds herself acutely aware of the way that she had drawn in a sharp breath that she hadn't let go of. Unable to look anywhere else even if she wanted to, she stares back at his amber gaze struck by the conviction of his words. Oh, she thinks, he means it.
There's a moment where she waits for the tidal wave of protests that her mind is so often ready to allow flood past her lips to come. In between running around so she didn't have to think and checking on others she had subconsciously been preparing herself for pre-determined outcomes. Had been steeling herself for inevitable heartbreak and for what it would take to move on. But none of those outcomes had been this.
Only in her silly, stupidest, coziest daydreams could she have thought Sylvain would be offering her his heart and hoping she'd do the same. It had never occurred to her that she'd ever be in this scenario. She should say something, shouldn't she? This is the part where she should say something meaningful and sincere.
Instead she pinches her arm and then his cheek in quick succession. Faintly she utters –]
I'm not dreaming. [ Cethlann's tits she isn't dreaming. And then time seems to speed up, her heart beating so rapidly she swears he can hear it. ] You – me? I, um, I had something for this. Can you – can you give me a second? I promise I’m coming back and I’m not running away I just —
[ After a moment of very clumsy untangling from his arms she rushes from the balcony and returns breathless moments later. Climbing back onto his lap and tugging him up with one hand, she clutches the box she had shoved out of sight earlier close to her heart. ]
Okay.
[ …Actually she might need another minute. ]
Edited (I saw a typo don't look at me or the timestamp ) 2024-06-23 07:52 (UTC)
[ Sylvain hadn't been sure what reaction he'd been expecting from her in response to his unexpected confession but... he can safely say it had not been this.
He's rubbing his reddening cheek (from her pinch) as he watches her dash off and then back, flustered and out of breath, and officially starts worrying that maybe he should have planned this better. Especially since her first reaction had been to pinch them both before realizing she wasn't dreaming.
Not that he's really surprised by that reaction, either. He supposes he's fortunate she hadn't just laughed in his face.
Still, he sits up and eases her onto her lap when she climbs atop him once more, clutching something to her chest and he swallows, trying not to be worried about whatever was happening here. ]
[ Another beat of silence follows as she tries to catch her breath even though she hadn't really run that far. Maybe her body is trying to give her space to breathe and time to collect her racing thoughts. To form the feelings she had tried to confine into a small corner of her heart until, like flowers they had bloomed, bursting from the small place she'd tried to keep them in so they wouldn't interfere with whatever transpired between Sylvain and Claude. But flowers weren't meant to be confined to the darkness. They needed sunlight to grow and they needed care and attention to thrive.
In spite of her best efforts to pretend that they didn't exist, her feelings had grown all on their own. They had arrived unannounced. But had they really? All the times she had looked for him in a crowd, how she had committed his footsteps to memory comes to mind. What about all of the times they had been apart and how she wanted nothing more than to run back and tell him even the most mundane things about her day? And then there was the way she can't begin to express how stupid she feels when he smiles and it's like her breaths are being stolen in that moment, or how the way their fingers threading together feels more intimate than anything they'd ever done. He had quietly coloured the way she saw the world without even trying, making her think about what he would do in a situation and how she wanted to be better for him. Stronger for him. Worthy of a love like his as if she could somehow compare the others that occupied his heart. She hadn't known what to call her silly, fragile feelings. But she knew now. ]
I know it's hard for you to think that you're deserving of love because you think you're imperfect in some way. But you've always been brilliant to me just being you. Not your Crest, not whoever it is your father hopes you'll be or what you think people need you to be. Just you. And to have gotten to know you has been the most precious gift anyone could have given me - I want more of your time. I want to know more about you. I want stay by your side and adore all the pieces that you don't think are deserving of it so that you can see yourself the same way I see you.
[ Her hand moves, shifting the box in her hand so that he can see it better. Just before she cracks it open however she blurts out - ]
Just so you don't freak out, this isn't a ring. I'm not proposing.
[ Today seemed to be a day for prefaces. If he had noticed the earring she'd made for him had disappeared, it's because she'd melted it down and made it anew. What had been a single alexandrite stud, had been transformed into an ear climber: three stones sparkle and glint in the light. A brilliant yellow tourmaline, a deep red ruby, and a pink sapphire. She lets out the nervous breath she had been holding in as a tentative, shy smile blossoms. ]
I love you too, Sylvain. In all the ways there is to love you.
[ As he was, who he is, and whoever he chooses to be. ]
Edited (i saw a typo my god) 2024-06-24 01:51 (UTC)
[ He thought he'd been prepared for whatever was going to come out of her mouth, but that only lasts as long as it takes for the words to actually start. And then he finds him struggling with the urge to squirm under the weight of her gaze. The feeling of being seen. For all the attention he'd always had around him, so few of those eyes had ever seen him.
She was different. Oh, maybe she hadn't been so much back in their days at the Academy, but here... everything has been different since they've come here. Been afforded opportunities they never would have had back in Fodlan. For all the troubles being in Abraxas had brought them, he could never bring himself to regret even a moment. Not when it had given him so much more than he'd ever imagined possible.
Even if he eyes that little box a little dubiously, because they both know what that looks like, and he's not sure how he feels about that. So her preface gets a short, aborted bark of laughter from him, because he might have freaked out, if his brain had been left to spiral there without her interrupting it.
And then he's too busy staring at the item within to worry about any of that.
He'd noted his earring was missing, of course he had. It was among his most precious possessions and he'd mourned it, thinking he'd somehow lost it when being dragged to the Singularity or back. He'd had it, before that strange far future, but he couldn't find it when he got back, and he'd assumed the worst. But now this...
He reaches out to brush his fingers over its smooth, delicate surface, marveling at the beauty of it. ]
[ Even though he’d just told her that he loved her minutes before, a part of her can’t help but worry a little all the same as she watches him. Her heart is practically beating out of her chest making her feel like she’s run a marathon when the only thing she’s doing is sitting still telling a man that her younger self would have never imagined in a million years believed that she could love romantically.
She had been thinking about the time that she’d told him she thought he was shallow and that she loved him but not in the way that he often tossed it around with women at Garreg Mach as of late. It’s true that she hadn’t loved him then; couldn’t even have contemplated that being a possibility. But hadn’t they both been wearing masks of their own? Hadn’t they both needed time to grow up a little?
There was something beautiful in being able to grow apart before coming back to grow together. That story hadn’t ever been told in the books she read. But maybe, they could write their own.
When he finally does speak she nods, earnest. Nervous. ]
Do you like it? I should have told you that I was taking the other earring but I wanted it to be a surprise.
[ The colour in her cheeks deepens. ]
I wanted to give it to you as a part of your birthday present but I wasn’t sure if it would be too much or you’d think that it was silly or too flashy. [ And she was certain that Claude would be able to provide a better birthday gift anyway. ] But it was important to me that you know how much you mean to Claude and I. That even if we're not with you, you'll have a physical reminder of it.
[ His voice is a little husky with emotion as he turns and leans in. His free hand cups against her cheek as he kisses her, slow and soft, before pulling back just enough to give her a smile full of fondness. ]
[ Whatever worry she had felt dispels in the next exhale, giving way to the sweetness and warmth of his kiss. When they part, the smile that she gives him mirrors the one on his face. She nods, making quick work of setting it into his ear alongside the earring that Claude had bought for him. It had bothered her in the past to see it. Pricked at her heart as a reminder of the way she had acted and all the feelings that had come with that.
And while she's reluctant to admit as much, it serves as a reminder of what she can't allow them to go back to. There were things she still wanted, things that she still hoped for her future. But she wouldn't allow herself to be that self-destructive again. Not that she now had other hearts to consider. She would protect the peace they were trying to settle into even if it meant the expense of what she wanted. Then maybe some day she'd think herself worthy of that affection.
Her fingers brush against the shell of his ear, settling it into place. ]
I don't have a mirror on me so you'll just have to trust that it looks good. If anything feels weird, we can always readjust it.
[ He catches her hand, pressing it against his cheek with a fond smile. ]
I don't need to see it to know it's perfect. Thank you, Hilda.
[ he leans in to brush a kiss against her lips, even as he gives a soft chuckle. ] Although now I feel a little silly not bringing you a gift or flowers or something. I can... make you lunch?
[ There's a playful teasing light in his eyes, because he knows that's not the point. But she's not the only one who always worries over being worthy of this. ]
[ He leans in to give her more of those kisses, then flops them both down on the swinging bed to get comfortable, tangling his legs with hers as he tucks her against his chest. ]
We can do lunch in a little while. Why don’t we just enjoy being here for a little while instead?
[ She had been lost in her own thoughts again all to worried about the feelings that swirled inside her heart. But while she had worried, the fear in her heart seems to have dissipated, replaced with such a feeling of warmth that she finds it hard to believe she felt any of claws of that fear claw at her to begin with.
Here in Sylvain's arms feels like the most natural thing in the world and she rests her head on against his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat, reassuring, constant. Her thumb brushes gently across his cheek. ]
[ A soft laugh rumbles in his chest beneath her ear as he cards his fingers through her hair, content to just lay here with her. While he had his own fair share of uncertainties, they all too often revolved around his own issues and not her. So maybe it was a little easier, at the moment, to believe her words, to believe she meant them.
And to soak in the warm contentedness they left in their wake. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Had her instinct not immediately been to lightly chide him for putting himself down like that, she might have been less surprised at the admission that follows. Or is it more like a declaration? Her protest immediately catches in her throat and she finds herself acutely aware of the way that she had drawn in a sharp breath that she hadn't let go of. Unable to look anywhere else even if she wanted to, she stares back at his amber gaze struck by the conviction of his words. Oh, she thinks, he means it.
There's a moment where she waits for the tidal wave of protests that her mind is so often ready to allow flood past her lips to come. In between running around so she didn't have to think and checking on others she had subconsciously been preparing herself for pre-determined outcomes. Had been steeling herself for inevitable heartbreak and for what it would take to move on. But none of those outcomes had been this.
Only in her silly, stupidest, coziest daydreams could she have thought Sylvain would be offering her his heart and hoping she'd do the same. It had never occurred to her that she'd ever be in this scenario. She should say something, shouldn't she? This is the part where she should say something meaningful and sincere.
Instead she pinches her arm and then his cheek in quick succession. Faintly she utters –]
I'm not dreaming. [ Cethlann's tits she isn't dreaming. And then time seems to speed up, her heart beating so rapidly she swears he can hear it. ] You – me? I, um, I had something for this. Can you – can you give me a second? I promise I’m coming back and I’m not running away I just —
[ After a moment of very clumsy untangling from his arms she rushes from the balcony and returns breathless moments later. Climbing back onto his lap and tugging him up with one hand, she clutches the box she had shoved out of sight earlier close to her heart. ]
Okay.
[ …Actually she might need another minute. ]
no subject
He's rubbing his reddening cheek (from her pinch) as he watches her dash off and then back, flustered and out of breath, and officially starts worrying that maybe he should have planned this better. Especially since her first reaction had been to pinch them both before realizing she wasn't dreaming.
Not that he's really surprised by that reaction, either. He supposes he's fortunate she hadn't just laughed in his face.
Still, he sits up and eases her onto her lap when she climbs atop him once more, clutching something to her chest and he swallows, trying not to be worried about whatever was happening here. ]
....Okay...?
no subject
In spite of her best efforts to pretend that they didn't exist, her feelings had grown all on their own. They had arrived unannounced. But had they really? All the times she had looked for him in a crowd, how she had committed his footsteps to memory comes to mind. What about all of the times they had been apart and how she wanted nothing more than to run back and tell him even the most mundane things about her day? And then there was the way she can't begin to express how stupid she feels when he smiles and it's like her breaths are being stolen in that moment, or how the way their fingers threading together feels more intimate than anything they'd ever done. He had quietly coloured the way she saw the world without even trying, making her think about what he would do in a situation and how she wanted to be better for him. Stronger for him. Worthy of a love like his as if she could somehow compare the others that occupied his heart. She hadn't known what to call her silly, fragile feelings. But she knew now. ]
I know it's hard for you to think that you're deserving of love because you think you're imperfect in some way. But you've always been brilliant to me just being you. Not your Crest, not whoever it is your father hopes you'll be or what you think people need you to be. Just you. And to have gotten to know you has been the most precious gift anyone could have given me - I want more of your time. I want to know more about you. I want stay by your side and adore all the pieces that you don't think are deserving of it so that you can see yourself the same way I see you.
[ Her hand moves, shifting the box in her hand so that he can see it better. Just before she cracks it open however she blurts out - ]
Just so you don't freak out, this isn't a ring. I'm not proposing.
[ Today seemed to be a day for prefaces. If he had noticed the earring she'd made for him had disappeared, it's because she'd melted it down and made it anew. What had been a single alexandrite stud, had been transformed into an ear climber: three stones sparkle and glint in the light. A brilliant yellow tourmaline, a deep red ruby, and a pink sapphire. She lets out the nervous breath she had been holding in as a tentative, shy smile blossoms. ]
I love you too, Sylvain. In all the ways there is to love you.
[ As he was, who he is, and whoever he chooses to be. ]
no subject
She was different. Oh, maybe she hadn't been so much back in their days at the Academy, but here... everything has been different since they've come here. Been afforded opportunities they never would have had back in Fodlan. For all the troubles being in Abraxas had brought them, he could never bring himself to regret even a moment. Not when it had given him so much more than he'd ever imagined possible.
Even if he eyes that little box a little dubiously, because they both know what that looks like, and he's not sure how he feels about that. So her preface gets a short, aborted bark of laughter from him, because he might have freaked out, if his brain had been left to spiral there without her interrupting it.
And then he's too busy staring at the item within to worry about any of that.
He'd noted his earring was missing, of course he had. It was among his most precious possessions and he'd mourned it, thinking he'd somehow lost it when being dragged to the Singularity or back. He'd had it, before that strange far future, but he couldn't find it when he got back, and he'd assumed the worst. But now this...
He reaches out to brush his fingers over its smooth, delicate surface, marveling at the beauty of it. ]
This... it's us?
no subject
She had been thinking about the time that she’d told him she thought he was shallow and that she loved him but not in the way that he often tossed it around with women at Garreg Mach as of late. It’s true that she hadn’t loved him then; couldn’t even have contemplated that being a possibility. But hadn’t they both been wearing masks of their own? Hadn’t they both needed time to grow up a little?
There was something beautiful in being able to grow apart before coming back to grow together. That story hadn’t ever been told in the books she read. But maybe, they could write their own.
When he finally does speak she nods, earnest. Nervous. ]
Do you like it? I should have told you that I was taking the other earring but I wanted it to be a surprise.
[ The colour in her cheeks deepens. ]
I wanted to give it to you as a part of your birthday present but I wasn’t sure if it would be too much or you’d think that it was silly or too flashy. [ And she was certain that Claude would be able to provide a better birthday gift anyway. ] But it was important to me that you know how much you mean to Claude and I. That even if we're not with you, you'll have a physical reminder of it.
no subject
[ His voice is a little husky with emotion as he turns and leans in. His free hand cups against her cheek as he kisses her, slow and soft, before pulling back just enough to give her a smile full of fondness. ]
Will you put it in for me?
no subject
And while she's reluctant to admit as much, it serves as a reminder of what she can't allow them to go back to. There were things she still wanted, things that she still hoped for her future. But she wouldn't allow herself to be that self-destructive again. Not that she now had other hearts to consider. She would protect the peace they were trying to settle into even if it meant the expense of what she wanted. Then maybe some day she'd think herself worthy of that affection.
Her fingers brush against the shell of his ear, settling it into place. ]
I don't have a mirror on me so you'll just have to trust that it looks good. If anything feels weird, we can always readjust it.
no subject
I don't need to see it to know it's perfect. Thank you, Hilda.
[ he leans in to brush a kiss against her lips, even as he gives a soft chuckle. ] Although now I feel a little silly not bringing you a gift or flowers or something. I can... make you lunch?
[ There's a playful teasing light in his eyes, because he knows that's not the point. But she's not the only one who always worries over being worthy of this. ]
no subject
Well if you're offering I would happily take all of the above.
[ She melts into his touch, hands coming to cup the sides of his face tenderly. ]
But I'd settle for more kisses. And time with you before you run off to do whatever you had planned to do before I interrupted them.
no subject
[ He leans in to give her more of those kisses, then flops them both down on the swinging bed to get comfortable, tangling his legs with hers as he tucks her against his chest. ]
We can do lunch in a little while. Why don’t we just enjoy being here for a little while instead?
no subject
[ She had been lost in her own thoughts again all to worried about the feelings that swirled inside her heart. But while she had worried, the fear in her heart seems to have dissipated, replaced with such a feeling of warmth that she finds it hard to believe she felt any of claws of that fear claw at her to begin with.
Here in Sylvain's arms feels like the most natural thing in the world and she rests her head on against his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat, reassuring, constant. Her thumb brushes gently across his cheek. ]
I love you, Sylvain.
no subject
And to soak in the warm contentedness they left in their wake. ]
I know, love. I love you, too.