[ Meanwhile, Claude's kind of enjoying his unintentional full body skating across the ice thanks to Hilda propelling them both. It's better than most ways he's been dragged, even if he dramatically sputters a bit when there's a small spray of ice from the skates which (barely) hits him in the face. Well. That might be a motivator to get up if nothing else. ]
Is being compared to Holst supposed to be a motivation for me? [ There's an attempt to ask this seriously but it fades out pretty quickly considering the amount of times he's worked with Holst. Some more serious than others, though there's also one particular time he has in mind. That thought can wait a minute. ] Alright, alright. Don't threaten me with any mushrooms next.
[ This time Claude lets go of Hilda's hands to remain here he is, and it takes all of a second to push himself up onto his knees. The easy part, of course, since it's the next part which gives him some pause. Time to distract Hilda a bit while he evaluates the best way to move to standing. ]
By the way, did I ever tell you Holst and Nader become best friends during the war? Nader as in Nader the Undefeated since I'm sure he'll be frowning wherever he is if I leave off the title.
[ He knows he hasn't told her - not to mention he's pretty sure he hasn't mentioned 'Nardel' is Nader, so this harmless reveal just might also be to entertain himself, too. ]
[ The longer Hilda skates like this building momentum, dragging Claude around the ice becomes less of a chore and far more fun for her than originally anticipated. Some of that enjoyment might have to do with how silly Claude looks being dragged around the ice like a puffy yellow pillow. The rest of it has to do with the fact that each stride she takes seems to push the dreary thoughts she'd had before he arrived at her domain doorstep further away. ]
It's a motivation for some people. I've heard that a motivational speech from Holst is one of the biggest morale boosters amongst our men.
[ He'll never get up this way though so she releases her hold on him patiently waiting for him to puzzle how best to get to his feet. Maybe it's a good thing that she let go of him. Because what he says next might very well have resulted in him being flung across the ice or pushed back onto it.
It would be incredibly unrealistic, and perhaps unfair, of her to think that Claude was done telling her everything about a future she had yet to live (or maybe never live, although she staunchly squishes that thought before it has a chance to go any further). But that's certainly one of the things that she hadn't expected to hear. There's more to unpack in there of course now that she has context about Claude's heritage. She had met Nardel in passing and while 'Nader' was close enough of a name it wasn't the same name. And there's no way that they could be the same person. ...Right? ]
They what?! Claude von Riegan you know you didn't tell me that! How!?
[ If he hadn't been busy waiting for her reaction to what else was said - and wasn't still pondering how to go about standing up - Claude might've launched right back into more grumbling about Holst. All for show, that is; though he certainly hadn't known what to make of Holst at first, he'd become an invaluable ally and a friend, as much as their positions had allowed for. That was a thought Claude hadn't allowed him to dwell on too much since there'd only be so far that'd go before that duel Hilda had always mentioned offhand would have to happen to take her anywhere far away.
But all of that is far away by virtue of being here, and in the present is Hilda sputtering in a way which absolutely and immediately makes him laugh. ]
Oh, I didn't? Huh, I must've misremembered. [ A supposed innocent bit of confusion he barely gets out between laughter even as it's calming down though the grin Claude offers her is shameless and unrepentant for pulling out that one. ] We needed more of an army at one point in the war, so I brought Nader to meet Holst to make it easier to get those forces... well, past the Locket. They were a little unsure of each other at first but it only took a few drinks before they were adopting each other. Rest assured you had much the same reaction upon finding out then as you do now.
[ The smile he gives her now is all fondness despite the fluster of that particular time and now where she's looking at him, and after debating about his next (physical) move Claude pushes himself up to kneeling with one skate against the ice how it should be. Now it's just a matter of bracing himself to stand from here. Probably. ]
I suppose now's the time to mention you also know Nader as Nardel, my supposed retainer for House Riegan. I needed someone there I could trust after my grandfather died, and so he came.
[ Hilda knew that Claude was more than capable of drawing his own conclusions of people including her brother and often wondered what they'd make of one another once they actually met. All of her moaning and groaning that usually categorized her relationship with Holst probably hadn't had too much weight in the grand scheme of things, but she doubted that Claude had forgotten about them.
She understood to some degree that some of her complaints were unfair; Holst was trying to be a good brother and show that he cared for her in the way he thought was right. She knew how lucky she was to have him him and their parents. Holst's overbearing nature was merely the only hardship she'd had to latch onto in her otherwise cushy life. All of that is to say - she can't help but wonder what it'd be like to see Holst and Claude at a dinner with one another without the pretense of war or politics. Probably just as strange as it would have been to see Nader and Holst seated at a table together. ]
Wait a minute. Adopting?
[ She can't even begin to question it because honestly? That checks out. In her mind's eye she can practically see Holst getting louder and louder as he drank, throwing his arm around the infamous Almyran that she now knows to be Nardel. Er, Nader. It's weird for sure. But not entirely a bad thing.
Hilda lets out another huff of exasperation even as she holds out her hands for Claude to steady himself if need be. ]
Ugh. That's all it took? Men are so weird! Let me guess, I wasn't there for that dinner either? Why didn't you invite me?! I would have loved to see that.
[ Sure, he's supposed to be standing up but that'll have to wait for a minute when Hilda's reaction demands more laughter and demands it immediately without question. It's so similar to what he remembers of her reaction then after Lorenz started a conversation which led into (some of) his hopes and aspirations, though he hadn't committed those words to memory in the midst of everything else. This will more than do now. ]
What, and spoil all of my surprises for the day we found ourselves somehow pulled into another world? As if I'd ever let that happen!
[ As if he'd planned for anything about here either, but it feels easier to joke about that than the realities of home. There's no denying that he could've told her - could have invited her along as Hilda's pointed out, and so Claude doesn't bother to attempt it or even circling around it. He's eying her hands as he debates grabbing hold again but decides against it (for now) to give himself a silent countdown to stand up.
It's mostly successful; he's upright, even if it comes with more than a few wobbles back and forth until he finds his center of gravity once more. Lying on the ground was helpful for not having to worry about that. ]
But I did mean adopting. It's a whole thing in Almyran culture when it comes to warriors who respect each other and despite their initial differences, it ended up that way. But now that I think about it, [ with a smile which points to impending mischief and more than a little glee over it, ] that means your number of older brothers doubles, doesn't it? It's only a matter of time before Nader figures out that out, and I can promise you he's no less overbearing than Holst.
[ Adoption could be meant figuratively - she didn't know. And that's what she assumes he means because why else would someone adopt a full grown man like Holst? Unless your Nader the Undefeated apparently. The truth of the matter dawns on her just as Claude speaks it into existence. To say that she's utterly horrified by the reality that she could potentially return to if they ever left Abraxas is an understatement. Aghast, her mouth drops open forming a perfect little 'o'.
It took a certain sort of personality to get along with Holst. When it came to matters of business and politics, he was incredibly serious but level-headed - a far cry from the ridiculous side that he had when he was with her. He could be just as dramatic as she could be if not worse because all of his dramatics were out of genuine concern for her. And worse still, he could easily rope personalities like his into it too. Case in point Balthus who was both an instigator and a partner in crime to Holst's big brother schemes.
Claude's gleeful mischief is met with a little noise of indignation. Just as he manages to right himself, she pushes lightly on his chest, sending him sliding backwards as she skates after him. ]
You better not have given them any ideas! I can't believe that you said that. I can barely handle Holst some days - how am I supposed to handle two of him?! You better take responsibility, Claude von Riegan!
[ Muscle memory from many a time of teasing Hilda has him ready for that push he feels coming instinctively before it happens in time to grab onto her hands as they land on his chest to keep them there. Though it of course manages to also push him back a bit across the ice since the skates don't offer much in the way of bracing himself, it also has him laughing loudly again between that and her outburst with the latter being the very thing he was counting on happening, too. ]
As if Holst didn't give him plenty of ideas on his own! I hardly had to do anything but sit and watch as the two of them dove deep into all kinds of plans. Nader's enthusiasm knows no bounds, you know.
[ Something he's every bit as guilty of and has admitted to here what with not bothering to stop any of it either, and Claude's chuckling still even as another thought occurs to him. That push and the subsequent moving of his skates to find his balance again had unlocked something missing in the skating motions he was attempting, and it's while now using Hilda for balance he tries it again. With success: the motion propels them backwards in something considerably clumsier than her seamless skating from earlier, but they do move backwards slowly as he's found a way to keep them going that way that's somehow easier than going forwards.
And it does have the benefit of keeping her close again as Claude shifts his grip to link their fingers together like he's really the one leading on this unsteady path, and he lets mirth fade away into affection again as he looks at her. ]
You know, Nader was also there when my mother left Fodlan with my father. Maybe Holst won't be so reluctant to let you visit now that he knows someone else there who'll have - [ with the next part said in a fairly good impression of Holst thanks to that time spent together during the war - ] your best interests in mind.
[ When she finds herself propelled right alongside him she lets out a noise of mild indignation that quickly turns into laughter thanks to Claude's infectious sound. Even if she had remained annoyed, she's still conscious that he's unsteady on his feet. So while part of her attention is focused on making sure that they don't go toppling onto the ice together, some of that caution seems to ebb away when it becomes apparent that Claude is slowly getting the hang of skating backwards. Hilda can't hide the amusement that flickers across her features as a thought flits through her mind: leave it to Claude to get the hang of skating backwards before he mastered going forward first.
By the time he threads their fingers together most of her light annoyance gives way to a groan. The worst part about all of this is that she knows that Claude is absolutely correct in what he says. Holst's stupid brain could come up with as many brilliant ideas as it could dumb things. And with him knowing Nader better than her she can only assume that he's telling the truth about his Holst-like enthusiasm.
It's probably for the best that Claude nips her lamenting in the bud with a terrifyingly accurate impression of her big brother. She blinks several times in shock before bursting out into laughter again. ]
I think you're underestimating just how much he wants to keep me in Goneril. Just because he sent me to the Academy, didn't mean he was happy about it. And a new brother doesn't mean he's not going to try and come along himself.
[ And privately, if she was going to visit Almyra, she didn't want her first time to be with Holst acting like a hover wyvern the entire time. With a little push, she swings gently around him so that she's the one skating backwards now. Lacing their fingers together she can't help but laugh. ]
Are you sure you aren't just trying to avoid asking him if I can go and visit yourself?
[ The blinking feels like prize enough at that bewildered surprise clear on her face, and her laughter feels even more so when the grin reappears on his face post-Holst impression as she skates around again to redirect them a different direction. Considering his ability to skate is incredibly tenuous at best - not to mention managing to be upright is something he's considering an accomplishment enough on its own - he's more than content to let her lead.
And that gives him more metaphorical space, of course, to consider what it is Hilda's telling him about Holst wanting her to stay in Goneril. It's something he's heard before and sends an echo back to when he'd brought up the idea of her meeting his parents in what feels like such a long time ago now even if the offer still stands to this day. Hilda had mentioned Holst being an obstacle, and, well. That is not something Claude doubts even if he still has yet to figure out a way around it.
Which starts, of course, with putting on a look of absolute(ly fake) shock. ]
Are you saying you're not going to help me out with that all? I'm heartbroken!
[ He's no such thing, but that doesn't stop him from tugging on her hands as if to bring her a little closer again. There's any number of things he could say here in terms of convincing Holst, and he certainly things about saying all of them while spinning yet another thread bemoaning this cruel fate Hilda's left him to - but. Claude thinks better of it when there's maybe a chance of those protests edging a bit too much towards something real.
And that won't do, and especially so when he still has something else far more real to offer. ]
Now that just makes my next plan of following even further in my father's footsteps of whisking you away by wyvern in the middle of the night for a grand adventure sound even better. I'm sure that'd immediately endear me to Holst if he suddenly finds you missing and not even in Fodlan on top of that.
If you can win a war, I'm sure navigating Hoslt Goneril won't be a problem for you.
[ The ice skating lesson isn't enough to subconsciously make her forget that there's a reason she had been in the Horizon in the first place. Nor is it enough to forget about Claude's offer to let her meet his parents some day if they ever returned home. There's still so much newness to this new chapter of their relationship that she had nudged the door closed on what it could mean beyond that. It doesn't escape her if they had been in Fodlan, such an offer might imply other things. But that thought too had been shoved behind the door not to be thought about now, or even in the short term.
Getting her hopes up was the worst thing that could happen here. And all she wants is to soak in as much of this - the cold air biting at their cheeks, the warmth of his hands in hers - as possible because a part of her still thinks this might not last. And a run-in with a certain blonde in Nocwich certainly hadn't helped matters.
Thankfully Claude's grand, hypothetical proposal is enough to push that last thought back a little further into her mind. In fact, it's enough to make her eyes glint with the telltale sign of amusement. ]
Now hold on, what kind of adventure did you have in mind? The middle of the night is when I get my best sleeping done, you know.
[ Hilda has a point, or more like several wrapped up into one about how Holst shouldn't be any kind of obstacle. And yet - it's impossible to not think again of the Nether and how it'd felt like Hilda had moved away from something he'd dared to ask as plainly as he could manage with so many unknowns.
Ones it occurs to him he could probably look for the answers to now when there's far less hanging in the same balance they'd held them to for years before now. With steps forward to move past that, and surely that would lead to other clarifications. If he'd ask, of course. That would be the first step, but it'd be less lighthearted than supposedly theoretical discussions of nighttime departures. ]
Oh, c'mon. It also happens to be the best time for absconding into the unknown. I might be speaking from experience there.
[ It'd been the easiest way to vanish without too many questions, or at least ones he wouldn't have to answer himself considering - he wouldn't be there. There'd only be his parents and what few letters they'd sent back and forth over the years, and all of the unsent ones too like the one on his desk in Derdriu letting them know he'd be returning soon. That's a familiar enough wistfulness that it's easy to let it subside the same as he does when thinking about home and how long it's been.
But with the thought of home, and Holst, and everything else that inviting Hilda would bring with it gets eclipsed by, say, a threat more prominent being that it's here and not where they were brought from. ]
Though maybe rather than fearing Holst from afar, I should be more afraid of Mogwry and whatever he was going to do to electrocute me. I'm fully expecting him to try again when we get back, you know.
[ As teasing as she says it, it occurs to Hilda that as wide and sweeping as they tend to jokingly speak about future what-if's that may or may not ever come to pass, that he could be serious about it. Maybe some version of herself would have happily gone along with him without second thought or hesitation because what had her heart yearned for if not grand adventure? Would she still? This version of her that had painted her in shades of caution by Abraxas?
Such thoughts would only serve to be counterproductive to her resolve not to go down that route.
Claude's comment about Mogwry however only serves to drag her mind right back. Try as she might to fold the way her expression hardens into an exasperated sigh at the thought of her newly acquired guard moogle, it's wishful thinking considering who she's trying to hide it from. ]
I don't even know where he got that idea. [ The sound of their skates cut clean against the ice as they near their first loop round. ] I was only venting to him because of something that happened the other day. And that definitely didn't involve telling him to electrocute you.
I think you win any and all prizes for sweeping someone away since you've done that to me quite literally today.
[ It's a horrible joke and the grin on his face says Claude's quite Proud of it for being that awful. But it's fitting for literally being dragged across the ice - quite voluntarily at that - and it's another none too subtle attempt to fish for a smile, a laugh, or even a roll of her eyes. Some things never change from how they've always been.
The same can be said for Claude noticing the expression shifting across her face just enough for him to pick it up in pieces. What's underneath it still isn't clear to him though it seems to be more than just Mogwry's antics alone. But - it does also feel like a confirmation of sorts that it is tied to him somehow even if electrocuting him was all the moogle's doing since the cause behind it came from somewhere. Didn't it? ]
I suppose he gets full marks for creativity then. [ Dryly, and something to contemplate for a second as he moves their hands to attempt spinning Hilda in a slow circle in place like they're on a dance floor rather than ice. It's not the best misdirection he's ever done, but it's enough to offer Hilda her own second to think before he continues in that same lightly teasing tone as an opening to a different branch of the conversation if she'd like to take it. ] Do I get to know what it is that happened?
[ The joke is predictably awful, earning him a little nose wrinkle but a spark of bright laughter all the same. ]
I'm not so sure that sweeping is the word I'd use for it.
[ She motions cheekily behind them where the very visible if you look hard enough remnants of a body being dragged across the surface remain. They could skate in circles all day long about semantics but that would detract from the question that Claude so rightly asked.
In hindsight, she should have known that admitting what she did was going to result in a question about it. That doesn't stop her from briefly shutting her eyes as Claude begins to spin her wondering for the umpteenth time what she was doing. There's been space between their fight, their subsequent apology and a whole new dynamic to their relationship that has been introduced since - but her insecurities, jealousy, and tentative approach to their relationship with Sylvain, are still tender.
It doesn't escape her that Claude is offering her both an out and room to talk more about what had happened. It's tempting to take the offered out. Dismiss her unpleasant feelings and pretend them away like she's always had because the last time she let them get the best of her, it had almost ruined one of the most precious things in her life. But they've lived through bottling feelings down and that alternative hadn't gone well either.
When she returns to his side, a cloud of breath precedes her answer. ]
...You just have to promise not to be upset with me, okay?
[ Sweeping absolutely isn't the word for it. Claude knows this without even looking at the tracks that definitely aren't just from their skates and from all of a few minutes ago, but the combination laugh-internal groan it gets from Hilda makes it worth it when that warms him as much as his approximately seventy clothing layers.
The smile on his face grows to a grin because of it, one of all fondness as they twirl (mostly) in place with something not quite as seamless as all those dances they'd had together. Something still close to him as much as this, though he catches a flash of Hilda's expression as she goes and nearly pauses. Instead it's relegated to an internal pause as his own expression stays as even as ever in the time she's turned away and then also when she's back facing him again.
Though he hadn't really thought he'd get an answer right away - not when he's every bit as much averse to voicing them the first time he's asked something, if not twenty times as much so - what she prefaces it with is enough to get him to pause completely now. They come to a slow halt as he lets the momentum fade out to slow them to it and he studies her face curiously. Those words are ever so slightly ominous in how they're said when it doesn't seem like this will lead to some of their usual silliness. It doesn't take him longer than a second to find his own answer. ]
Okay, I promise.
[ As he runs gloved thumbs over the backs of her hands in his, the look on his face is still set to something neutral even as a flicker of concern goes through it. But he means it; with whatever she's about to tell him and no matter what it is, if it's something she's reluctant to - chastising her for choosing to share isn't anything he wants to do. ]
[ A part of her almost wishes that they'd keep skating if only because it would provide a nice distraction for her, to lighten what probably isn't a big deal (it really isn't that serious, but is that her old habit of pretending things away rearing its head?) into something anecdotal that they can just laugh about right after. Avoidance is a dance she's always known, particularly when it comes to Claude. It's a dance that they have to unlearn.
So the urge to continue moving, doing anything that will help distract is quashed in favour of being truthful about her less than attractive feelings. To her credit she does attempt to sound even keeled throughout her account of the interaction that resulted in Claude being threatened by a creature that barely came up to his knees. Embarrassment and shame are quick to creep into her voice much like the way heat rushes into her cheeks. ]
I ran into Dion in Nocwich. And he mentioned that you two met on some rooftop, indulged in Nocwich's "musical inclinations" and a meal. I know it probably was just you being kind to a new Summoned but when I got the feeling that you left him with some sort of impression, I guess my mind got away from me.
[ Her gaze drops to their skates towards the end, unable to bear the way heat prickles uncomfortably at the back of her neck like pins and needles. A little breath of annoyance aimed at herself and her inability to trust someone that she said she would escapes her. ]
I got jealous. Again. Over nothing! And I didn't want to say anything to you or Sylvain because it's so stupid of me to react that way and not trust you. I didn't want to cause trouble so I wasn't going to say anything about it.
[ There's other things left unsaid there - that she didn't want him to think less of her or second guess whatever it was they were trying to make work. She didn't want him to leave again. Rehashing all of that in her mind sends more prickles of anxiety down her spine though and they go unsaid. Helplessly she gestures towards the quaint cottage with its warm light. ]
...I just didn't account for a protective moogle. [ Her lips lift humourlessly in a self-deprecating way. ] But that's why I'm not that tactician out of the two of us.
[ Claude waits patiently as Hilda finds what she wants to say, as her cheeks flush in a way which feels fitting to that promise of not getting upset by what's said even before she starts to say it. He listens carefully and avoids any sort of strong reactions - or any reactions at all to make sure he doesn't discourage her.
There's a passing thought that if he'd taken longer to contemplate it, this might've been on the list of things he'd guessed. Left him with some sort of impression, Hilda says. While that's something Claude will contemplate in depth later, for now the only focus on that is what Hilda says it made her feel. That it caused her some level of discomfort or pain is something he's responsible for, no matter whether it was caused inadvertently or otherwise.
The mention of Mogwry gets a faint smile from him, but it fades not long after at any sort of tactics here as he brings gloved hands up first to tug her closer and then one to brush some of her hair back to tuck it behind her ear. ]
Hilda, I want you to tell me these things. It's not stupid to feel any way about something and it's not causing trouble. But I think you and I both know you have plenty of strategy in you since it's just one of the reasons I like you so much.
[ Paired with a light tug of her hair looped around one of his fingers, but lighthearted teasing isn't the way he wants to shift this towards. That'd be too much like minimizing something she trusted him enough to tell him despite being uncomfortable and as Claude considers what to say next he keeps his gaze on her. ]
I know they're just words rather than actions, but I meant what I told you that if something was going to change I would tell you before anything else. I know we have a lot to figure out still, but the most important part of that to me is that I don't want to break or lose your trust ever again. I don't want to keep secrets from you anymore.
[ A part of her tenses, waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. She can't even bring herself to look at him for fear of seeing something unpleasant bloom on his features that would speak louder than words. Instead comfort comes in the form of him drawing her close. The tension in her body relaxes some.
Protests are already on the tip of her tongue. That it's stupid for her to feel this way. That it's awful how she was practically ready to bare her teeth towards someone that hadn't done anything wrong except probably been charmed by Claude. That she doesn't have an ounce of strategy in her; if anything she might possess the propensity to be cunning in the way that's bratty or self-serving but never anything that should be praised. And it's certainly not something that should be liked either. As she finally turns her gaze back towards him all of those self doubts are quickly swallowed, folded away for her to contemplate another day.
For now she tucks herself into him, drawing her arms close around his waist so she can rest her head against his chest to listen to the steady beat of his heart beneath the ridiculous amount of layers he wears. ]
I know you would, and I know you don't. [ And both of those things are something she has to remind herself of. ] I know how I can get. But I don't want to act that way anymore. I don't want to doubt you or make up ridiculous stories in my head about what you are or aren't doing because -
[ She stops herself short, a string of three words and eight letters that she'd nursed for so long now on the tip of her tongue. Except they feel right accompanying her admission of jealousy. It doesn't feel right when she doesn't feel worthy enough of his affections and attention when there are clearly others in Fodlan, Almyra and here that are more deserving. ]
You mean so much to me. [ Her gaze goes back up towards him. ] We mean so much to me.
[ As she curls into him, Claude's arms go around her as well in what's almost an automatic reaction. The kind which feels right, like an instinct that'd always been there just as in so many years ago when it was he'd first realized it felt like the empty spaces around him were made for her to fit into. And she had so seamlessly in a way that no one ever had, and so much so that he could do nothing but marvel at the simplicity of it in a way which had made him never want to let go. That belief had never once wavered, not even in their jagged separation here where they'd only ached with loss, and it doesn't now either.
Claude leans down to kiss the top of her head and considers resting his chin on top of it, but decides against it to watch what he can see of her face while she talks. It works out since when her words abruptly stop, there's a second where his breath inaudibly catches in his throat and even for all of his control over everything he projects, he forgets to inhale again. The absence of what follows he hears loud and clear.
Or - does he? Is it wishful thinking, just a product of that all important phrase resonating somewhere inside of him with a truth he'd long ago stopped denying to himself? It's difficult to not think of something Sylvain had told him months ago, something that'd all but confirm it. Something Claude still hears now said in what Hilda tells him: the same thing, just in different words. An admission from either one of them which will take time - something beyond worth waiting for. ]
You mean so much to me, too. And so do we, and for what we have with Sylvain as well. I care about you for who you are, Hilda. Not for who you think you should be but for all of you, no matter what. We'll just have to work on everything else together now that we can, but I believe in us.
[ Hilda's propensity to selectively forget or purposefully ignore things that she definitely notices has never failed her - especially over the last several years of her life that were spent at the Academy and then at war. Conveniently it's glossed over any sign, gesture or meaning that might lead her to think that Claude cared deeply in the same way that she did. It was knowledge that wouldn't serve either of them in the times they lived in.
Despite her hopes to remain untethered, unbothered and free even that wish is kept within a glass box where she sits on display; she knows the role for youngest - and only - daughters like her in Fodlan. It was likely going to end up in marriage to someone whose family still held some social status or other that would best benefit both of their families than for love. To even have an inkling of hope that Claude felt anything deeper than affection beyond the realm of like fed daydreams of a child that she was beginning to see needed to grow up.
It's a bitter truth to swallow, one that some days she desperately digs her claws into in an attempt to hold onto fleeting days of innocence. At the very least, it's made sweeter by the fact that Abraxas has brought her something that she might very well never have in Fodlan. Perhaps that was enough for now. The rest, no matter how daunting, could follow.
Even if the words he offers don't help shift her views they still manage to warm her some and dispel some of the static at the back of her neck. It pulls a smile to her lips, one that she hopes seems more tender and watery than rueful. ]
Work? But you know how much I hate work. [ She sighs, meaning to break up some of the mood because there's only so much melancholy she can bear. The winter had bled into her heart weighing it down and she wanted nothing more than to chase it away again. The smile still lingers at the corner of her lips as she reaches up to brush her mittened thumb against his cheek. ] But I guess if you two are there to do most of it then it might not be so bad.
[ But quietly she knows that she'd do the same. If not for her, then for them. ]
[ In the same instant Hilda sighs Claude can't help but laugh following that familiar refrain when it's one he's heard her say so many times before for so many reasons. Something constant he can count on and one after all these years he's still not tired of; though once she might've meant those words it's difficult to believe them these days when there's so much that's come to pass.
They're not a real protest but the echo of one. Of that much he's certain even if they're said here to put the weight of what needs to be done onto him and Sylvain, and even more so when Claude's even more certain Hilda would do just as much even if not asked. There's been proof of that over these last few months where things were slow to mend until that decisive point on which the three of them had talked in great detail, and in what's been cemented since.
Here now, too, as he leans his face into her hand with a smile settling on his face once laughter fades out. ]
I'll take it into consideration, unless by 'work' you mean leaving me out here in the cold to freeze over and over. Maybe next time we could visit Goneril in the summer since I bet it's just as beautiful without the snow.
[ Not that he minds it so much while being here with Hilda, but it feels right to bookend one familiar complaint with another... or rather, for maybe the twentieth time in the past hour when it comes to their surroundings. What Claude doesn't do is move like he might have any other time in avoiding weather he finds less than pleasant. Not this time when this is who he wants to be here with, and the only movement involves staying where he is to lean down with that smile still present for a kiss. ]
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Is being compared to Holst supposed to be a motivation for me? [ There's an attempt to ask this seriously but it fades out pretty quickly considering the amount of times he's worked with Holst. Some more serious than others, though there's also one particular time he has in mind. That thought can wait a minute. ] Alright, alright. Don't threaten me with any mushrooms next.
[ This time Claude lets go of Hilda's hands to remain here he is, and it takes all of a second to push himself up onto his knees. The easy part, of course, since it's the next part which gives him some pause. Time to distract Hilda a bit while he evaluates the best way to move to standing. ]
By the way, did I ever tell you Holst and Nader become best friends during the war? Nader as in Nader the Undefeated since I'm sure he'll be frowning wherever he is if I leave off the title.
[ He knows he hasn't told her - not to mention he's pretty sure he hasn't mentioned 'Nardel' is Nader, so this harmless reveal just might also be to entertain himself, too. ]
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It's a motivation for some people. I've heard that a motivational speech from Holst is one of the biggest morale boosters amongst our men.
[ He'll never get up this way though so she releases her hold on him patiently waiting for him to puzzle how best to get to his feet. Maybe it's a good thing that she let go of him. Because what he says next might very well have resulted in him being flung across the ice or pushed back onto it.
It would be incredibly unrealistic, and perhaps unfair, of her to think that Claude was done telling her everything about a future she had yet to live (or maybe never live, although she staunchly squishes that thought before it has a chance to go any further). But that's certainly one of the things that she hadn't expected to hear. There's more to unpack in there of course now that she has context about Claude's heritage. She had met Nardel in passing and while 'Nader' was close enough of a name it wasn't the same name. And there's no way that they could be the same person. ...Right? ]
They what?! Claude von Riegan you know you didn't tell me that! How!?
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But all of that is far away by virtue of being here, and in the present is Hilda sputtering in a way which absolutely and immediately makes him laugh. ]
Oh, I didn't? Huh, I must've misremembered. [ A supposed innocent bit of confusion he barely gets out between laughter even as it's calming down though the grin Claude offers her is shameless and unrepentant for pulling out that one. ] We needed more of an army at one point in the war, so I brought Nader to meet Holst to make it easier to get those forces... well, past the Locket. They were a little unsure of each other at first but it only took a few drinks before they were adopting each other. Rest assured you had much the same reaction upon finding out then as you do now.
[ The smile he gives her now is all fondness despite the fluster of that particular time and now where she's looking at him, and after debating about his next (physical) move Claude pushes himself up to kneeling with one skate against the ice how it should be. Now it's just a matter of bracing himself to stand from here. Probably. ]
I suppose now's the time to mention you also know Nader as Nardel, my supposed retainer for House Riegan. I needed someone there I could trust after my grandfather died, and so he came.
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She understood to some degree that some of her complaints were unfair; Holst was trying to be a good brother and show that he cared for her in the way he thought was right. She knew how lucky she was to have him him and their parents. Holst's overbearing nature was merely the only hardship she'd had to latch onto in her otherwise cushy life. All of that is to say - she can't help but wonder what it'd be like to see Holst and Claude at a dinner with one another without the pretense of war or politics. Probably just as strange as it would have been to see Nader and Holst seated at a table together. ]
Wait a minute. Adopting?
[ She can't even begin to question it because honestly? That checks out. In her mind's eye she can practically see Holst getting louder and louder as he drank, throwing his arm around the infamous Almyran that she now knows to be Nardel. Er, Nader. It's weird for sure. But not entirely a bad thing.
Hilda lets out another huff of exasperation even as she holds out her hands for Claude to steady himself if need be. ]
Ugh. That's all it took? Men are so weird! Let me guess, I wasn't there for that dinner either? Why didn't you invite me?! I would have loved to see that.
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What, and spoil all of my surprises for the day we found ourselves somehow pulled into another world? As if I'd ever let that happen!
[ As if he'd planned for anything about here either, but it feels easier to joke about that than the realities of home. There's no denying that he could've told her - could have invited her along as Hilda's pointed out, and so Claude doesn't bother to attempt it or even circling around it. He's eying her hands as he debates grabbing hold again but decides against it (for now) to give himself a silent countdown to stand up.
It's mostly successful; he's upright, even if it comes with more than a few wobbles back and forth until he finds his center of gravity once more. Lying on the ground was helpful for not having to worry about that. ]
But I did mean adopting. It's a whole thing in Almyran culture when it comes to warriors who respect each other and despite their initial differences, it ended up that way. But now that I think about it, [ with a smile which points to impending mischief and more than a little glee over it, ] that means your number of older brothers doubles, doesn't it? It's only a matter of time before Nader figures out that out, and I can promise you he's no less overbearing than Holst.
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It took a certain sort of personality to get along with Holst. When it came to matters of business and politics, he was incredibly serious but level-headed - a far cry from the ridiculous side that he had when he was with her. He could be just as dramatic as she could be if not worse because all of his dramatics were out of genuine concern for her. And worse still, he could easily rope personalities like his into it too. Case in point Balthus who was both an instigator and a partner in crime to Holst's big brother schemes.
Claude's gleeful mischief is met with a little noise of indignation. Just as he manages to right himself, she pushes lightly on his chest, sending him sliding backwards as she skates after him. ]
You better not have given them any ideas! I can't believe that you said that. I can barely handle Holst some days - how am I supposed to handle two of him?! You better take responsibility, Claude von Riegan!
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As if Holst didn't give him plenty of ideas on his own! I hardly had to do anything but sit and watch as the two of them dove deep into all kinds of plans. Nader's enthusiasm knows no bounds, you know.
[ Something he's every bit as guilty of and has admitted to here what with not bothering to stop any of it either, and Claude's chuckling still even as another thought occurs to him. That push and the subsequent moving of his skates to find his balance again had unlocked something missing in the skating motions he was attempting, and it's while now using Hilda for balance he tries it again. With success: the motion propels them backwards in something considerably clumsier than her seamless skating from earlier, but they do move backwards slowly as he's found a way to keep them going that way that's somehow easier than going forwards.
And it does have the benefit of keeping her close again as Claude shifts his grip to link their fingers together like he's really the one leading on this unsteady path, and he lets mirth fade away into affection again as he looks at her. ]
You know, Nader was also there when my mother left Fodlan with my father. Maybe Holst won't be so reluctant to let you visit now that he knows someone else there who'll have - [ with the next part said in a fairly good impression of Holst thanks to that time spent together during the war - ] your best interests in mind.
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By the time he threads their fingers together most of her light annoyance gives way to a groan. The worst part about all of this is that she knows that Claude is absolutely correct in what he says. Holst's stupid brain could come up with as many brilliant ideas as it could dumb things. And with him knowing Nader better than her she can only assume that he's telling the truth about his Holst-like enthusiasm.
It's probably for the best that Claude nips her lamenting in the bud with a terrifyingly accurate impression of her big brother. She blinks several times in shock before bursting out into laughter again. ]
I think you're underestimating just how much he wants to keep me in Goneril. Just because he sent me to the Academy, didn't mean he was happy about it. And a new brother doesn't mean he's not going to try and come along himself.
[ And privately, if she was going to visit Almyra, she didn't want her first time to be with Holst acting like a hover wyvern the entire time. With a little push, she swings gently around him so that she's the one skating backwards now. Lacing their fingers together she can't help but laugh. ]
Are you sure you aren't just trying to avoid asking him if I can go and visit yourself?
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And that gives him more metaphorical space, of course, to consider what it is Hilda's telling him about Holst wanting her to stay in Goneril. It's something he's heard before and sends an echo back to when he'd brought up the idea of her meeting his parents in what feels like such a long time ago now even if the offer still stands to this day. Hilda had mentioned Holst being an obstacle, and, well. That is not something Claude doubts even if he still has yet to figure out a way around it.
Which starts, of course, with putting on a look of absolute(ly fake) shock. ]
Are you saying you're not going to help me out with that all? I'm heartbroken!
[ He's no such thing, but that doesn't stop him from tugging on her hands as if to bring her a little closer again. There's any number of things he could say here in terms of convincing Holst, and he certainly things about saying all of them while spinning yet another thread bemoaning this cruel fate Hilda's left him to - but. Claude thinks better of it when there's maybe a chance of those protests edging a bit too much towards something real.
And that won't do, and especially so when he still has something else far more real to offer. ]
Now that just makes my next plan of following even further in my father's footsteps of whisking you away by wyvern in the middle of the night for a grand adventure sound even better. I'm sure that'd immediately endear me to Holst if he suddenly finds you missing and not even in Fodlan on top of that.
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If you can win a war, I'm sure navigating Hoslt Goneril won't be a problem for you.
[ The ice skating lesson isn't enough to subconsciously make her forget that there's a reason she had been in the Horizon in the first place. Nor is it enough to forget about Claude's offer to let her meet his parents some day if they ever returned home. There's still so much newness to this new chapter of their relationship that she had nudged the door closed on what it could mean beyond that. It doesn't escape her if they had been in Fodlan, such an offer might imply other things. But that thought too had been shoved behind the door not to be thought about now, or even in the short term.
Getting her hopes up was the worst thing that could happen here. And all she wants is to soak in as much of this - the cold air biting at their cheeks, the warmth of his hands in hers - as possible because a part of her still thinks this might not last. And a run-in with a certain blonde in Nocwich certainly hadn't helped matters.
Thankfully Claude's grand, hypothetical proposal is enough to push that last thought back a little further into her mind. In fact, it's enough to make her eyes glint with the telltale sign of amusement. ]
Now hold on, what kind of adventure did you have in mind? The middle of the night is when I get my best sleeping done, you know.
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Ones it occurs to him he could probably look for the answers to now when there's far less hanging in the same balance they'd held them to for years before now. With steps forward to move past that, and surely that would lead to other clarifications. If he'd ask, of course. That would be the first step, but it'd be less lighthearted than supposedly theoretical discussions of nighttime departures. ]
Oh, c'mon. It also happens to be the best time for absconding into the unknown. I might be speaking from experience there.
[ It'd been the easiest way to vanish without too many questions, or at least ones he wouldn't have to answer himself considering - he wouldn't be there. There'd only be his parents and what few letters they'd sent back and forth over the years, and all of the unsent ones too like the one on his desk in Derdriu letting them know he'd be returning soon. That's a familiar enough wistfulness that it's easy to let it subside the same as he does when thinking about home and how long it's been.
But with the thought of home, and Holst, and everything else that inviting Hilda would bring with it gets eclipsed by, say, a threat more prominent being that it's here and not where they were brought from. ]
Though maybe rather than fearing Holst from afar, I should be more afraid of Mogwry and whatever he was going to do to electrocute me. I'm fully expecting him to try again when we get back, you know.
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[ As teasing as she says it, it occurs to Hilda that as wide and sweeping as they tend to jokingly speak about future what-if's that may or may not ever come to pass, that he could be serious about it. Maybe some version of herself would have happily gone along with him without second thought or hesitation because what had her heart yearned for if not grand adventure? Would she still? This version of her that had painted her in shades of caution by Abraxas?
Such thoughts would only serve to be counterproductive to her resolve not to go down that route.
Claude's comment about Mogwry however only serves to drag her mind right back. Try as she might to fold the way her expression hardens into an exasperated sigh at the thought of her newly acquired guard moogle, it's wishful thinking considering who she's trying to hide it from. ]
I don't even know where he got that idea. [ The sound of their skates cut clean against the ice as they near their first loop round. ] I was only venting to him because of something that happened the other day. And that definitely didn't involve telling him to electrocute you.
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[ It's a horrible joke and the grin on his face says Claude's quite Proud of it for being that awful. But it's fitting for literally being dragged across the ice - quite voluntarily at that - and it's another none too subtle attempt to fish for a smile, a laugh, or even a roll of her eyes. Some things never change from how they've always been.
The same can be said for Claude noticing the expression shifting across her face just enough for him to pick it up in pieces. What's underneath it still isn't clear to him though it seems to be more than just Mogwry's antics alone. But - it does also feel like a confirmation of sorts that it is tied to him somehow even if electrocuting him was all the moogle's doing since the cause behind it came from somewhere. Didn't it? ]
I suppose he gets full marks for creativity then. [ Dryly, and something to contemplate for a second as he moves their hands to attempt spinning Hilda in a slow circle in place like they're on a dance floor rather than ice. It's not the best misdirection he's ever done, but it's enough to offer Hilda her own second to think before he continues in that same lightly teasing tone as an opening to a different branch of the conversation if she'd like to take it. ] Do I get to know what it is that happened?
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I'm not so sure that sweeping is the word I'd use for it.
[ She motions cheekily behind them where the very visible if you look hard enough remnants of a body being dragged across the surface remain. They could skate in circles all day long about semantics but that would detract from the question that Claude so rightly asked.
In hindsight, she should have known that admitting what she did was going to result in a question about it. That doesn't stop her from briefly shutting her eyes as Claude begins to spin her wondering for the umpteenth time what she was doing. There's been space between their fight, their subsequent apology and a whole new dynamic to their relationship that has been introduced since - but her insecurities, jealousy, and tentative approach to their relationship with Sylvain, are still tender.
It doesn't escape her that Claude is offering her both an out and room to talk more about what had happened. It's tempting to take the offered out. Dismiss her unpleasant feelings and pretend them away like she's always had because the last time she let them get the best of her, it had almost ruined one of the most precious things in her life. But they've lived through bottling feelings down and that alternative hadn't gone well either.
When she returns to his side, a cloud of breath precedes her answer. ]
...You just have to promise not to be upset with me, okay?
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The smile on his face grows to a grin because of it, one of all fondness as they twirl (mostly) in place with something not quite as seamless as all those dances they'd had together. Something still close to him as much as this, though he catches a flash of Hilda's expression as she goes and nearly pauses. Instead it's relegated to an internal pause as his own expression stays as even as ever in the time she's turned away and then also when she's back facing him again.
Though he hadn't really thought he'd get an answer right away - not when he's every bit as much averse to voicing them the first time he's asked something, if not twenty times as much so - what she prefaces it with is enough to get him to pause completely now. They come to a slow halt as he lets the momentum fade out to slow them to it and he studies her face curiously. Those words are ever so slightly ominous in how they're said when it doesn't seem like this will lead to some of their usual silliness. It doesn't take him longer than a second to find his own answer. ]
Okay, I promise.
[ As he runs gloved thumbs over the backs of her hands in his, the look on his face is still set to something neutral even as a flicker of concern goes through it. But he means it; with whatever she's about to tell him and no matter what it is, if it's something she's reluctant to - chastising her for choosing to share isn't anything he wants to do. ]
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So the urge to continue moving, doing anything that will help distract is quashed in favour of being truthful about her less than attractive feelings. To her credit she does attempt to sound even keeled throughout her account of the interaction that resulted in Claude being threatened by a creature that barely came up to his knees. Embarrassment and shame are quick to creep into her voice much like the way heat rushes into her cheeks. ]
I ran into Dion in Nocwich. And he mentioned that you two met on some rooftop, indulged in Nocwich's "musical inclinations" and a meal. I know it probably was just you being kind to a new Summoned but when I got the feeling that you left him with some sort of impression, I guess my mind got away from me.
[ Her gaze drops to their skates towards the end, unable to bear the way heat prickles uncomfortably at the back of her neck like pins and needles. A little breath of annoyance aimed at herself and her inability to trust someone that she said she would escapes her. ]
I got jealous. Again. Over nothing! And I didn't want to say anything to you or Sylvain because it's so stupid of me to react that way and not trust you. I didn't want to cause trouble so I wasn't going to say anything about it.
[ There's other things left unsaid there - that she didn't want him to think less of her or second guess whatever it was they were trying to make work. She didn't want him to leave again. Rehashing all of that in her mind sends more prickles of anxiety down her spine though and they go unsaid. Helplessly she gestures towards the quaint cottage with its warm light. ]
...I just didn't account for a protective moogle. [ Her lips lift humourlessly in a self-deprecating way. ] But that's why I'm not that tactician out of the two of us.
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There's a passing thought that if he'd taken longer to contemplate it, this might've been on the list of things he'd guessed. Left him with some sort of impression, Hilda says. While that's something Claude will contemplate in depth later, for now the only focus on that is what Hilda says it made her feel. That it caused her some level of discomfort or pain is something he's responsible for, no matter whether it was caused inadvertently or otherwise.
The mention of Mogwry gets a faint smile from him, but it fades not long after at any sort of tactics here as he brings gloved hands up first to tug her closer and then one to brush some of her hair back to tuck it behind her ear. ]
Hilda, I want you to tell me these things. It's not stupid to feel any way about something and it's not causing trouble. But I think you and I both know you have plenty of strategy in you since it's just one of the reasons I like you so much.
[ Paired with a light tug of her hair looped around one of his fingers, but lighthearted teasing isn't the way he wants to shift this towards. That'd be too much like minimizing something she trusted him enough to tell him despite being uncomfortable and as Claude considers what to say next he keeps his gaze on her. ]
I know they're just words rather than actions, but I meant what I told you that if something was going to change I would tell you before anything else. I know we have a lot to figure out still, but the most important part of that to me is that I don't want to break or lose your trust ever again. I don't want to keep secrets from you anymore.
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Protests are already on the tip of her tongue. That it's stupid for her to feel this way. That it's awful how she was practically ready to bare her teeth towards someone that hadn't done anything wrong except probably been charmed by Claude. That she doesn't have an ounce of strategy in her; if anything she might possess the propensity to be cunning in the way that's bratty or self-serving but never anything that should be praised. And it's certainly not something that should be liked either. As she finally turns her gaze back towards him all of those self doubts are quickly swallowed, folded away for her to contemplate another day.
For now she tucks herself into him, drawing her arms close around his waist so she can rest her head against his chest to listen to the steady beat of his heart beneath the ridiculous amount of layers he wears. ]
I know you would, and I know you don't. [ And both of those things are something she has to remind herself of. ] I know how I can get. But I don't want to act that way anymore. I don't want to doubt you or make up ridiculous stories in my head about what you are or aren't doing because -
[ She stops herself short, a string of three words and eight letters that she'd nursed for so long now on the tip of her tongue. Except they feel right accompanying her admission of jealousy. It doesn't feel right when she doesn't feel worthy enough of his affections and attention when there are clearly others in Fodlan, Almyra and here that are more deserving. ]
You mean so much to me. [ Her gaze goes back up towards him. ] We mean so much to me.
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Claude leans down to kiss the top of her head and considers resting his chin on top of it, but decides against it to watch what he can see of her face while she talks. It works out since when her words abruptly stop, there's a second where his breath inaudibly catches in his throat and even for all of his control over everything he projects, he forgets to inhale again. The absence of what follows he hears loud and clear.
Or - does he? Is it wishful thinking, just a product of that all important phrase resonating somewhere inside of him with a truth he'd long ago stopped denying to himself? It's difficult to not think of something Sylvain had told him months ago, something that'd all but confirm it. Something Claude still hears now said in what Hilda tells him: the same thing, just in different words. An admission from either one of them which will take time - something beyond worth waiting for. ]
You mean so much to me, too. And so do we, and for what we have with Sylvain as well. I care about you for who you are, Hilda. Not for who you think you should be but for all of you, no matter what. We'll just have to work on everything else together now that we can, but I believe in us.
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Despite her hopes to remain untethered, unbothered and free even that wish is kept within a glass box where she sits on display; she knows the role for youngest - and only - daughters like her in Fodlan. It was likely going to end up in marriage to someone whose family still held some social status or other that would best benefit both of their families than for love. To even have an inkling of hope that Claude felt anything deeper than affection beyond the realm of like fed daydreams of a child that she was beginning to see needed to grow up.
It's a bitter truth to swallow, one that some days she desperately digs her claws into in an attempt to hold onto fleeting days of innocence. At the very least, it's made sweeter by the fact that Abraxas has brought her something that she might very well never have in Fodlan. Perhaps that was enough for now. The rest, no matter how daunting, could follow.
Even if the words he offers don't help shift her views they still manage to warm her some and dispel some of the static at the back of her neck. It pulls a smile to her lips, one that she hopes seems more tender and watery than rueful. ]
Work? But you know how much I hate work. [ She sighs, meaning to break up some of the mood because there's only so much melancholy she can bear. The winter had bled into her heart weighing it down and she wanted nothing more than to chase it away again. The smile still lingers at the corner of her lips as she reaches up to brush her mittened thumb against his cheek. ] But I guess if you two are there to do most of it then it might not be so bad.
[ But quietly she knows that she'd do the same. If not for her, then for them. ]
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They're not a real protest but the echo of one. Of that much he's certain even if they're said here to put the weight of what needs to be done onto him and Sylvain, and even more so when Claude's even more certain Hilda would do just as much even if not asked. There's been proof of that over these last few months where things were slow to mend until that decisive point on which the three of them had talked in great detail, and in what's been cemented since.
Here now, too, as he leans his face into her hand with a smile settling on his face once laughter fades out. ]
I'll take it into consideration, unless by 'work' you mean leaving me out here in the cold to freeze over and over. Maybe next time we could visit Goneril in the summer since I bet it's just as beautiful without the snow.
[ Not that he minds it so much while being here with Hilda, but it feels right to bookend one familiar complaint with another... or rather, for maybe the twentieth time in the past hour when it comes to their surroundings. What Claude doesn't do is move like he might have any other time in avoiding weather he finds less than pleasant. Not this time when this is who he wants to be here with, and the only movement involves staying where he is to lean down with that smile still present for a kiss. ]