[ A part of her almost wishes that they'd keep skating if only because it would provide a nice distraction for her, to lighten what probably isn't a big deal (it really isn't that serious, but is that her old habit of pretending things away rearing its head?) into something anecdotal that they can just laugh about right after. Avoidance is a dance she's always known, particularly when it comes to Claude. It's a dance that they have to unlearn.
So the urge to continue moving, doing anything that will help distract is quashed in favour of being truthful about her less than attractive feelings. To her credit she does attempt to sound even keeled throughout her account of the interaction that resulted in Claude being threatened by a creature that barely came up to his knees. Embarrassment and shame are quick to creep into her voice much like the way heat rushes into her cheeks. ]
I ran into Dion in Nocwich. And he mentioned that you two met on some rooftop, indulged in Nocwich's "musical inclinations" and a meal. I know it probably was just you being kind to a new Summoned but when I got the feeling that you left him with some sort of impression, I guess my mind got away from me.
[ Her gaze drops to their skates towards the end, unable to bear the way heat prickles uncomfortably at the back of her neck like pins and needles. A little breath of annoyance aimed at herself and her inability to trust someone that she said she would escapes her. ]
I got jealous. Again. Over nothing! And I didn't want to say anything to you or Sylvain because it's so stupid of me to react that way and not trust you. I didn't want to cause trouble so I wasn't going to say anything about it.
[ There's other things left unsaid there - that she didn't want him to think less of her or second guess whatever it was they were trying to make work. She didn't want him to leave again. Rehashing all of that in her mind sends more prickles of anxiety down her spine though and they go unsaid. Helplessly she gestures towards the quaint cottage with its warm light. ]
...I just didn't account for a protective moogle. [ Her lips lift humourlessly in a self-deprecating way. ] But that's why I'm not that tactician out of the two of us.
[ Claude waits patiently as Hilda finds what she wants to say, as her cheeks flush in a way which feels fitting to that promise of not getting upset by what's said even before she starts to say it. He listens carefully and avoids any sort of strong reactions - or any reactions at all to make sure he doesn't discourage her.
There's a passing thought that if he'd taken longer to contemplate it, this might've been on the list of things he'd guessed. Left him with some sort of impression, Hilda says. While that's something Claude will contemplate in depth later, for now the only focus on that is what Hilda says it made her feel. That it caused her some level of discomfort or pain is something he's responsible for, no matter whether it was caused inadvertently or otherwise.
The mention of Mogwry gets a faint smile from him, but it fades not long after at any sort of tactics here as he brings gloved hands up first to tug her closer and then one to brush some of her hair back to tuck it behind her ear. ]
Hilda, I want you to tell me these things. It's not stupid to feel any way about something and it's not causing trouble. But I think you and I both know you have plenty of strategy in you since it's just one of the reasons I like you so much.
[ Paired with a light tug of her hair looped around one of his fingers, but lighthearted teasing isn't the way he wants to shift this towards. That'd be too much like minimizing something she trusted him enough to tell him despite being uncomfortable and as Claude considers what to say next he keeps his gaze on her. ]
I know they're just words rather than actions, but I meant what I told you that if something was going to change I would tell you before anything else. I know we have a lot to figure out still, but the most important part of that to me is that I don't want to break or lose your trust ever again. I don't want to keep secrets from you anymore.
[ A part of her tenses, waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. She can't even bring herself to look at him for fear of seeing something unpleasant bloom on his features that would speak louder than words. Instead comfort comes in the form of him drawing her close. The tension in her body relaxes some.
Protests are already on the tip of her tongue. That it's stupid for her to feel this way. That it's awful how she was practically ready to bare her teeth towards someone that hadn't done anything wrong except probably been charmed by Claude. That she doesn't have an ounce of strategy in her; if anything she might possess the propensity to be cunning in the way that's bratty or self-serving but never anything that should be praised. And it's certainly not something that should be liked either. As she finally turns her gaze back towards him all of those self doubts are quickly swallowed, folded away for her to contemplate another day.
For now she tucks herself into him, drawing her arms close around his waist so she can rest her head against his chest to listen to the steady beat of his heart beneath the ridiculous amount of layers he wears. ]
I know you would, and I know you don't. [ And both of those things are something she has to remind herself of. ] I know how I can get. But I don't want to act that way anymore. I don't want to doubt you or make up ridiculous stories in my head about what you are or aren't doing because -
[ She stops herself short, a string of three words and eight letters that she'd nursed for so long now on the tip of her tongue. Except they feel right accompanying her admission of jealousy. It doesn't feel right when she doesn't feel worthy enough of his affections and attention when there are clearly others in Fodlan, Almyra and here that are more deserving. ]
You mean so much to me. [ Her gaze goes back up towards him. ] We mean so much to me.
[ As she curls into him, Claude's arms go around her as well in what's almost an automatic reaction. The kind which feels right, like an instinct that'd always been there just as in so many years ago when it was he'd first realized it felt like the empty spaces around him were made for her to fit into. And she had so seamlessly in a way that no one ever had, and so much so that he could do nothing but marvel at the simplicity of it in a way which had made him never want to let go. That belief had never once wavered, not even in their jagged separation here where they'd only ached with loss, and it doesn't now either.
Claude leans down to kiss the top of her head and considers resting his chin on top of it, but decides against it to watch what he can see of her face while she talks. It works out since when her words abruptly stop, there's a second where his breath inaudibly catches in his throat and even for all of his control over everything he projects, he forgets to inhale again. The absence of what follows he hears loud and clear.
Or - does he? Is it wishful thinking, just a product of that all important phrase resonating somewhere inside of him with a truth he'd long ago stopped denying to himself? It's difficult to not think of something Sylvain had told him months ago, something that'd all but confirm it. Something Claude still hears now said in what Hilda tells him: the same thing, just in different words. An admission from either one of them which will take time - something beyond worth waiting for. ]
You mean so much to me, too. And so do we, and for what we have with Sylvain as well. I care about you for who you are, Hilda. Not for who you think you should be but for all of you, no matter what. We'll just have to work on everything else together now that we can, but I believe in us.
[ Hilda's propensity to selectively forget or purposefully ignore things that she definitely notices has never failed her - especially over the last several years of her life that were spent at the Academy and then at war. Conveniently it's glossed over any sign, gesture or meaning that might lead her to think that Claude cared deeply in the same way that she did. It was knowledge that wouldn't serve either of them in the times they lived in.
Despite her hopes to remain untethered, unbothered and free even that wish is kept within a glass box where she sits on display; she knows the role for youngest - and only - daughters like her in Fodlan. It was likely going to end up in marriage to someone whose family still held some social status or other that would best benefit both of their families than for love. To even have an inkling of hope that Claude felt anything deeper than affection beyond the realm of like fed daydreams of a child that she was beginning to see needed to grow up.
It's a bitter truth to swallow, one that some days she desperately digs her claws into in an attempt to hold onto fleeting days of innocence. At the very least, it's made sweeter by the fact that Abraxas has brought her something that she might very well never have in Fodlan. Perhaps that was enough for now. The rest, no matter how daunting, could follow.
Even if the words he offers don't help shift her views they still manage to warm her some and dispel some of the static at the back of her neck. It pulls a smile to her lips, one that she hopes seems more tender and watery than rueful. ]
Work? But you know how much I hate work. [ She sighs, meaning to break up some of the mood because there's only so much melancholy she can bear. The winter had bled into her heart weighing it down and she wanted nothing more than to chase it away again. The smile still lingers at the corner of her lips as she reaches up to brush her mittened thumb against his cheek. ] But I guess if you two are there to do most of it then it might not be so bad.
[ But quietly she knows that she'd do the same. If not for her, then for them. ]
[ In the same instant Hilda sighs Claude can't help but laugh following that familiar refrain when it's one he's heard her say so many times before for so many reasons. Something constant he can count on and one after all these years he's still not tired of; though once she might've meant those words it's difficult to believe them these days when there's so much that's come to pass.
They're not a real protest but the echo of one. Of that much he's certain even if they're said here to put the weight of what needs to be done onto him and Sylvain, and even more so when Claude's even more certain Hilda would do just as much even if not asked. There's been proof of that over these last few months where things were slow to mend until that decisive point on which the three of them had talked in great detail, and in what's been cemented since.
Here now, too, as he leans his face into her hand with a smile settling on his face once laughter fades out. ]
I'll take it into consideration, unless by 'work' you mean leaving me out here in the cold to freeze over and over. Maybe next time we could visit Goneril in the summer since I bet it's just as beautiful without the snow.
[ Not that he minds it so much while being here with Hilda, but it feels right to bookend one familiar complaint with another... or rather, for maybe the twentieth time in the past hour when it comes to their surroundings. What Claude doesn't do is move like he might have any other time in avoiding weather he finds less than pleasant. Not this time when this is who he wants to be here with, and the only movement involves staying where he is to lean down with that smile still present for a kiss. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
So the urge to continue moving, doing anything that will help distract is quashed in favour of being truthful about her less than attractive feelings. To her credit she does attempt to sound even keeled throughout her account of the interaction that resulted in Claude being threatened by a creature that barely came up to his knees. Embarrassment and shame are quick to creep into her voice much like the way heat rushes into her cheeks. ]
I ran into Dion in Nocwich. And he mentioned that you two met on some rooftop, indulged in Nocwich's "musical inclinations" and a meal. I know it probably was just you being kind to a new Summoned but when I got the feeling that you left him with some sort of impression, I guess my mind got away from me.
[ Her gaze drops to their skates towards the end, unable to bear the way heat prickles uncomfortably at the back of her neck like pins and needles. A little breath of annoyance aimed at herself and her inability to trust someone that she said she would escapes her. ]
I got jealous. Again. Over nothing! And I didn't want to say anything to you or Sylvain because it's so stupid of me to react that way and not trust you. I didn't want to cause trouble so I wasn't going to say anything about it.
[ There's other things left unsaid there - that she didn't want him to think less of her or second guess whatever it was they were trying to make work. She didn't want him to leave again. Rehashing all of that in her mind sends more prickles of anxiety down her spine though and they go unsaid. Helplessly she gestures towards the quaint cottage with its warm light. ]
...I just didn't account for a protective moogle. [ Her lips lift humourlessly in a self-deprecating way. ] But that's why I'm not that tactician out of the two of us.
no subject
There's a passing thought that if he'd taken longer to contemplate it, this might've been on the list of things he'd guessed. Left him with some sort of impression, Hilda says. While that's something Claude will contemplate in depth later, for now the only focus on that is what Hilda says it made her feel. That it caused her some level of discomfort or pain is something he's responsible for, no matter whether it was caused inadvertently or otherwise.
The mention of Mogwry gets a faint smile from him, but it fades not long after at any sort of tactics here as he brings gloved hands up first to tug her closer and then one to brush some of her hair back to tuck it behind her ear. ]
Hilda, I want you to tell me these things. It's not stupid to feel any way about something and it's not causing trouble. But I think you and I both know you have plenty of strategy in you since it's just one of the reasons I like you so much.
[ Paired with a light tug of her hair looped around one of his fingers, but lighthearted teasing isn't the way he wants to shift this towards. That'd be too much like minimizing something she trusted him enough to tell him despite being uncomfortable and as Claude considers what to say next he keeps his gaze on her. ]
I know they're just words rather than actions, but I meant what I told you that if something was going to change I would tell you before anything else. I know we have a lot to figure out still, but the most important part of that to me is that I don't want to break or lose your trust ever again. I don't want to keep secrets from you anymore.
no subject
Protests are already on the tip of her tongue. That it's stupid for her to feel this way. That it's awful how she was practically ready to bare her teeth towards someone that hadn't done anything wrong except probably been charmed by Claude. That she doesn't have an ounce of strategy in her; if anything she might possess the propensity to be cunning in the way that's bratty or self-serving but never anything that should be praised. And it's certainly not something that should be liked either. As she finally turns her gaze back towards him all of those self doubts are quickly swallowed, folded away for her to contemplate another day.
For now she tucks herself into him, drawing her arms close around his waist so she can rest her head against his chest to listen to the steady beat of his heart beneath the ridiculous amount of layers he wears. ]
I know you would, and I know you don't. [ And both of those things are something she has to remind herself of. ] I know how I can get. But I don't want to act that way anymore. I don't want to doubt you or make up ridiculous stories in my head about what you are or aren't doing because -
[ She stops herself short, a string of three words and eight letters that she'd nursed for so long now on the tip of her tongue. Except they feel right accompanying her admission of jealousy. It doesn't feel right when she doesn't feel worthy enough of his affections and attention when there are clearly others in Fodlan, Almyra and here that are more deserving. ]
You mean so much to me. [ Her gaze goes back up towards him. ] We mean so much to me.
no subject
Claude leans down to kiss the top of her head and considers resting his chin on top of it, but decides against it to watch what he can see of her face while she talks. It works out since when her words abruptly stop, there's a second where his breath inaudibly catches in his throat and even for all of his control over everything he projects, he forgets to inhale again. The absence of what follows he hears loud and clear.
Or - does he? Is it wishful thinking, just a product of that all important phrase resonating somewhere inside of him with a truth he'd long ago stopped denying to himself? It's difficult to not think of something Sylvain had told him months ago, something that'd all but confirm it. Something Claude still hears now said in what Hilda tells him: the same thing, just in different words. An admission from either one of them which will take time - something beyond worth waiting for. ]
You mean so much to me, too. And so do we, and for what we have with Sylvain as well. I care about you for who you are, Hilda. Not for who you think you should be but for all of you, no matter what. We'll just have to work on everything else together now that we can, but I believe in us.
no subject
Despite her hopes to remain untethered, unbothered and free even that wish is kept within a glass box where she sits on display; she knows the role for youngest - and only - daughters like her in Fodlan. It was likely going to end up in marriage to someone whose family still held some social status or other that would best benefit both of their families than for love. To even have an inkling of hope that Claude felt anything deeper than affection beyond the realm of like fed daydreams of a child that she was beginning to see needed to grow up.
It's a bitter truth to swallow, one that some days she desperately digs her claws into in an attempt to hold onto fleeting days of innocence. At the very least, it's made sweeter by the fact that Abraxas has brought her something that she might very well never have in Fodlan. Perhaps that was enough for now. The rest, no matter how daunting, could follow.
Even if the words he offers don't help shift her views they still manage to warm her some and dispel some of the static at the back of her neck. It pulls a smile to her lips, one that she hopes seems more tender and watery than rueful. ]
Work? But you know how much I hate work. [ She sighs, meaning to break up some of the mood because there's only so much melancholy she can bear. The winter had bled into her heart weighing it down and she wanted nothing more than to chase it away again. The smile still lingers at the corner of her lips as she reaches up to brush her mittened thumb against his cheek. ] But I guess if you two are there to do most of it then it might not be so bad.
[ But quietly she knows that she'd do the same. If not for her, then for them. ]
no subject
They're not a real protest but the echo of one. Of that much he's certain even if they're said here to put the weight of what needs to be done onto him and Sylvain, and even more so when Claude's even more certain Hilda would do just as much even if not asked. There's been proof of that over these last few months where things were slow to mend until that decisive point on which the three of them had talked in great detail, and in what's been cemented since.
Here now, too, as he leans his face into her hand with a smile settling on his face once laughter fades out. ]
I'll take it into consideration, unless by 'work' you mean leaving me out here in the cold to freeze over and over. Maybe next time we could visit Goneril in the summer since I bet it's just as beautiful without the snow.
[ Not that he minds it so much while being here with Hilda, but it feels right to bookend one familiar complaint with another... or rather, for maybe the twentieth time in the past hour when it comes to their surroundings. What Claude doesn't do is move like he might have any other time in avoiding weather he finds less than pleasant. Not this time when this is who he wants to be here with, and the only movement involves staying where he is to lean down with that smile still present for a kiss. ]