[ There's time to talk about new creative ventures later. Her attention turns elsewhere, echoes of protectiveness for both the men from those eight hundred years rearing its head. ]
After I found out about the 800 years being a fiction, I went to go and try to prevent him from trying to make further modifications to himself in order to escape the reality of it. Words were exchanged and...I realized he hadn't been the friend I made for a long time. So I just left.
I'm not proud of it and I'm not sure how to go about apologizing so that it won't turn into a second round of the same fight. What he did back there....Hilda, I can't even articulate why it upset me so much, but it did.
The first part. Not even the losing the memories, it was walling himself off so much, refusing to be anything but his work. Forgetting that there's more to life than work. Then shrugging off every time I tried to approach him about it.
I know I have overly strong feelings about one's humanity, and that Viktor's need to alleviate his own pain is valid but...the balance went so far off, it felt like?
[ And she knows that he might view that as pity but it isn't that. Viktor's friendship means so much to her; the thought of abandoning him - anyone, that she cares for so fiercely - simply isn't an option. ]
You're not wrong that it'd be worse without someone to keep an eye on him - I think that's why I tried to do something similar.
I'm worried about the immediate future as well. I already suspect he's going to just throw himself into work to avoid dealing with any of the fall out.
Not that I'd ever say this to his face, but I think at least a portion of this now is his refusing to engage with his feelings about Jayce's departure.
[...............oh. so that's why he's making the dad comparisons. Shit.]
He won't. I need to talk to him about work things, so I will try to apologize without things veering into a fight then.
But I'm still worried. I don't know what else we do besides keep an eye on him.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘝𝘪𝘬𝘵𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵?
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I'm not proud of it and I'm not sure how to go about apologizing so that it won't turn into a second round of the same fight. What he did back there....Hilda, I can't even articulate why it upset me so much, but it did.
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I know I have overly strong feelings about one's humanity, and that Viktor's need to alleviate his own pain is valid but...the balance went so far off, it felt like?
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𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘰. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴. 𝘐 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘊𝘪𝘳𝘪 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘵. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘧 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘵.
[ And she knows that he might view that as pity but it isn't that. Viktor's friendship means so much to her; the thought of abandoning him - anyone, that she cares for so fiercely - simply isn't an option. ]
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦.
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I'm worried about the immediate future as well. I already suspect he's going to just throw himself into work to avoid dealing with any of the fall out.
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[ Considering they've seen it happen once before this. Twice if you count what happened in the dream. ]
𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘍𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘊𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘺𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘮. 𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦'𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵.
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[...............oh. so that's why he's making the dad comparisons. Shit.]
He won't. I need to talk to him about work things, so I will try to apologize without things veering into a fight then.
But I'm still worried. I don't know what else we do besides keep an eye on him.
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𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.
𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘶𝘮. 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘰𝘣𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴. 𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴...
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Thank you. I'll try doing it by myself first, and if it goes awry, I'll ask for help. Maybe I'll surprise myself.
A new medium? That's exciting, tell me about the art. Then maybe that's a way of introducing whatever you have in mind in very small increments.
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𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘴. 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘐'𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢 𝘵𝘳𝘺. 𝘔𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘣 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘧𝘶𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘮𝘣𝘶𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴.
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Oh, I like that idea. Perhaps there's ways to have beads absorb certain things as well? Or to lighten a load.
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𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯.
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[That's the second time the god thing has come up. Alucard's not going to poke that bear today, but it is noted.]
That said, I'd like to see the bunny. If you'll allow it.
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𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺?
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You said your first rabbit came out like a blob. Did you want me to call it the blob? I feel as if you'd elbow me for doing so in person.
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[ He's right because she would absolutely elbow him. Only she gets to call it a blob. ]
𝘐 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘵.
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I'll let you know how it goes with Viktor. Let me know if you end up having questions about the ring?
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/end
And thank you.