Hilda, all three of us know that you are absolutely not a helpless flower. Jaskier is also aware of my romantic shortcomings and I expect would be overly encouraging if you follow my meaning.
No! I'm sorry, please don't drop me. It would hurt so much.
[ Immediately her eyes go all gooey and misty at the possible threat. Her body immediately tenses at it too and she holds onto her axe that much tighter.
Her brief wiggle of protest which would probably result in anyone but someone with an extremely firm grip or a vampire ceases. She blinks several times confusedly. ]
You don't even like me that way. And wait - you really think of it as a shortcoming?
I won't, but you know those eyes don't work on me, correct? I can make bigger and sadder ones as a wolf.
[Wiggle or no, Alucard keeps moving on.]
I do not, but it is a cleaner label than me rehashing everything. And I've told him that I think I might be at the point to consider romantic endeavors again.
[ That doesn’t mean she won’t stop trying. And he has yet to see her actually turn on the waterworks so just you wait, Alucard.
The sad eyes linger for just a brief second longer before she dispels them with a roll of her eyes and a pout. Like sees like, apparently. ]
That’s not fair! Of course a wolf’s eyes are going to be bigger and cuter than mine.
[ The pout is two-fold however. Namely, it’s aimed at the shortcomings label. She shifts her hold on the axe to free up a hand and gives him a gentle flick on the chest. ]
Just because it’s cleaner doesn’t mean it’s right. Don’t call it that. [ That next bit though - curiosity sparks in her gaze. ] Really? That’s great, Alucard! Is there someone you have your eye on then?
Hilda, I offer this to you as a friend: you need to get a better line of defense that doesn't rely on fairness. It is a better argument and a better guilt trip.
[Hilda did...did you just flick his tits? Really?
Give him a minute to look baffled about that. It means his response to the question will look baffled too, but little problems.]
Feeling ready versus feeling that there's something to act on are two different things. So no, there's not. And if there were, maybe I would feel less prepared than I hypothetically do.
She can't help her grumbled response that sounds suspiciously like how a real friend would just let her get away with it and therefore excusing her from the responsibility of needing to find a different defence. ]
Okay, fine you got me there. You just got my hopes up that you had a little crush on someone.
[ Because as her good friend knows, there's nothing she loves more than some gossip. ]
If she hadn't known that they were talking about romantic interests Hilda might have hesitated in answering. Because the truth of the matter is, she faces those situations every day. Decisions that need to be made for the Old Public Hall are rarely done without consulting another member of the team, choosing to take on Cyprian’s tutelage more seriously as a metalsmith and blacksmith are daunting and ones she hadn’t fully committed to even though in practice, she was doing the things an apprentice would do. And those were just the things here.
There were countless other project she had begun and stopped because she suddenly realized she couldn’t do them. Not because of a physical road block mind you, but literally because a voice in her head told her that there was too much expectation attached to it.
Thankfully she's able to catch herself before tripping mentally over that thought. Except the pause might be telling enough that she’s thinking about something else. ]
I mean maybe when I was younger and approaching someone I had a crush on but after a while, you realize it’s just kind of for fun and put yourself out there anyway.
Alucard notices the pause, but true to his own form, he does not comment. He can guess what the answer is, and that Hilda's absolutely not going to say anything about what just flashed through her head. He doesn't need to know of course, it isn't any of his business.]
Fun, maybe, but I still have to get over a constant concern of being murdered.
If he doesn't press, she won't give. She realizes it goes against her "I'm an open book" comment, but she's too focused on this particular scenario that she doesn't want to distract by talking about herself and her non-existent problems. ]
Even here? Who's here trying to murder you?
[ There's some heat to her question, as if the very idea is enough to give her a real reason to use her axe. ]
No one, no one! [He worded that badly. Alucard pauses, just long enough to shift around Hilda's weight to adjust the distribution, and then keeps moving.]
But I can easily see my brain suddenly thinking that might be the case in a perfectly pleasant situation with a partner, because it is still running on the fear of the last time.
[ That seems to be enough to get her to back down and the grip around the handle of her axe relaxes considerably. She hadn't forgotten the whole reason behind his "shortcoming" to romance and she still sympathizes. And because she hasn't forgotten that also means she hasn't forgotten their accidental kiss during their training session.
Hilda pauses herself this time recalling the feel of his lips pressed awkwardly against hers. Honestly she was going to leave it at that and never speak of it again, but perhaps the best way to help him work through it would be by actually talking about it.
[ She regards him a little longer before letting out a breathy laugh. ]
That's probably the smart thing to do. I didn't really do that when I was younger. I was just way too excited when I got to Garreg Mach and my brother wasn't there.
[ That isn't to say she had immediately gone and slept with the first person that showed the slightest interest in her. Rather, she had had her fill of flirting because even that had been hard pressed to do when every person within a ten-mile radius knew who she was and was terrified of her brother. ]
I wasn't. And I had so much fun. [ There's a fondness as she thinks briefly about her time at the Academy. It inevitably leads her to think about her friends in the Golden Deer, the friends she had made in the other houses, and then of course, to Claude. ] But being a little cautious might have helped in some respects.
[ Her feet find the ground - albeit reluctantly - and she takes a moment adjusting her axe so that it won't be a bother as she walks the short way into the office. ]
A friend from home? [ That's what she can assume anyway if the feelings for his crushes had developed before this supposed aftermath. ] I'm sorry that they left, Alucard. But I'm glad that you got the time with them that you did. I think that's the one thing that Abraxas can at least give us - time to figure things out when they're less complicated.
[ ...As long as you know, they aren't being kidnapped. Or being taken to a political mediation disguised as an all expense paid vacation, or the other things that had happened to the Summoned before their arrival. ]
Better to have the fun, I suspect. [Alucard can only imagine how much just...more...Hilda might have been when first let upon the world without the structure of home life to keep her in check. It was probably a lot of personality all at once for everyone including herself.
He smiles faintly at the thought as he opens the door that leads up to the second floor offices, holding it for Hilda first.]
You'd have gotten along well with Sypha. And I don't think you're wrong about what this place offers. Being away from home offers the luxury of time and perspective that may be impossible to find at home. I know that was the case for myself.
do we want to try and wrap this soon before the event?
[ Her lips twitch as she gives him a light laugh. ]
Younger me would definitely agree with you. So does current me.
[ Younger Hilda had definitely been more hell bent on having a good time and in the habit of not thinking twice about what that could possibly entail if someone got in her way. She wouldn't go as far as saying that she was recklessly careless with others feelings, but it fit in the uncomfortable way that it usually is when one reflects on their younger self once they've put some years between them. ]
Well if she was a friend of yours, I doin't have any doubt about that. I'd love to hear more about her and what you mean by gaining more perspective - maybe over dinner?
[ This is the other part of her that she's grown into over time. A younger Hilda's questions about others and those important to them had, in some respects, had been tinged with her needing to earn their good graces because you never knew when you needed their aid in doing a chore or work. ]
I think over dinner is the only available option. I've made a corn, tomato, and bell pepper salad that's waiting, and all that needs to be done is for me to quickly sear the steak to put on top of it.
[Dinner should be low lift and full of meat after such shenanigans, in Alucard's opinion. He's happy to make it all happen, and to enjoy the evening. If Jaskier pops in, he's welcome to at least steal some food.]
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[HE MEANS IT. Probably.]
Hilda, all three of us know that you are absolutely not a helpless flower. Jaskier is also aware of my romantic shortcomings and I expect would be overly encouraging if you follow my meaning.
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[ Immediately her eyes go all gooey and misty at the possible threat. Her body immediately tenses at it too and she holds onto her axe that much tighter.
Her brief wiggle of protest which would probably result in anyone but someone with an extremely firm grip or a vampire ceases. She blinks several times confusedly. ]
You don't even like me that way. And wait - you really think of it as a shortcoming?
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I won't, but you know those eyes don't work on me, correct? I can make bigger and sadder ones as a wolf.
[Wiggle or no, Alucard keeps moving on.]
I do not, but it is a cleaner label than me rehashing everything. And I've told him that I think I might be at the point to consider romantic endeavors again.
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The sad eyes linger for just a brief second longer before she dispels them with a roll of her eyes and a pout. Like sees like, apparently. ]
That’s not fair! Of course a wolf’s eyes are going to be bigger and cuter than mine.
[ The pout is two-fold however. Namely, it’s aimed at the shortcomings label. She shifts her hold on the axe to free up a hand and gives him a gentle flick on the chest. ]
Just because it’s cleaner doesn’t mean it’s right. Don’t call it that. [ That next bit though - curiosity sparks in her gaze. ] Really? That’s great, Alucard! Is there someone you have your eye on then?
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[Hilda did...did you just flick his tits? Really?
Give him a minute to look baffled about that. It means his response to the question will look baffled too, but little problems.]
Feeling ready versus feeling that there's something to act on are two different things. So no, there's not. And if there were, maybe I would feel less prepared than I hypothetically do.
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She can't help her grumbled response that sounds suspiciously like how a real friend would just let her get away with it and therefore excusing her from the responsibility of needing to find a different defence. ]
Okay, fine you got me there. You just got my hopes up that you had a little crush on someone.
[ Because as her good friend knows, there's nothing she loves more than some gossip. ]
Why would you feel less prepared though?
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You've never felt completely confident in yourself in approaching something only to begin it and suddenly feel that confidence evaporate?
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If she hadn't known that they were talking about romantic interests Hilda might have hesitated in answering. Because the truth of the matter is, she faces those situations every day. Decisions that need to be made for the Old Public Hall are rarely done without consulting another member of the team, choosing to take on Cyprian’s tutelage more seriously as a metalsmith and blacksmith are daunting and ones she hadn’t fully committed to even though in practice, she was doing the things an apprentice would do. And those were just the things here.
There were countless other project she had begun and stopped because she suddenly realized she couldn’t do them. Not because of a physical road block mind you, but literally because a voice in her head told her that there was too much expectation attached to it.
Thankfully she's able to catch herself before tripping mentally over that thought. Except the pause might be telling enough that she’s thinking about something else. ]
I mean maybe when I was younger and approaching someone I had a crush on but after a while, you realize it’s just kind of for fun and put yourself out there anyway.
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Alucard notices the pause, but true to his own form, he does not comment. He can guess what the answer is, and that Hilda's absolutely not going to say anything about what just flashed through her head. He doesn't need to know of course, it isn't any of his business.]
Fun, maybe, but I still have to get over a constant concern of being murdered.
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If he doesn't press, she won't give. She realizes it goes against her "I'm an open book" comment, but she's too focused on this particular scenario that she doesn't want to distract by talking about herself and her non-existent problems. ]
Even here? Who's here trying to murder you?
[ There's some heat to her question, as if the very idea is enough to give her a real reason to use her axe. ]
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But I can easily see my brain suddenly thinking that might be the case in a perfectly pleasant situation with a partner, because it is still running on the fear of the last time.
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Hilda pauses herself this time recalling the feel of his lips pressed awkwardly against hers. Honestly she was going to leave it at that and never speak of it again, but perhaps the best way to help him work through it would be by actually talking about it.
What a concept. ]
You didn't have that fear earlier, did you?
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No, I did not.
[He turns a corner, and the familiar sight of the office finally comes into view.]
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She spots the office as they round the corner and knows that the window to talk about this - and for him carrying her - is quickly coming to an end. ]
Oh. [ There's a brief pause. ] That's a good thing, right? Progress!
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[Alucard doesn't pick up the pace, which he thinks deserves an award. It means he's at least having the conversation.]
I don't want to rush anything just because it feels comfortable either. Whatever happens, having it be organic is probably wise.
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That's probably the smart thing to do. I didn't really do that when I was younger. I was just way too excited when I got to Garreg Mach and my brother wasn't there.
[ That isn't to say she had immediately gone and slept with the first person that showed the slightest interest in her. Rather, she had had her fill of flirting because even that had been hard pressed to do when every person within a ten-mile radius knew who she was and was terrified of her brother. ]
Were you with any before that happened?
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[They're at the door now, and that means Hilda is going to back on her own little feets. Sorry Hilda.]
No. Just two crushes that got much more complicated in the aftermath. One of them was here for a time. We....made progress. Which was nice.
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[ Her feet find the ground - albeit reluctantly - and she takes a moment adjusting her axe so that it won't be a bother as she walks the short way into the office. ]
A friend from home? [ That's what she can assume anyway if the feelings for his crushes had developed before this supposed aftermath. ] I'm sorry that they left, Alucard. But I'm glad that you got the time with them that you did. I think that's the one thing that Abraxas can at least give us - time to figure things out when they're less complicated.
[ ...As long as you know, they aren't being kidnapped. Or being taken to a political mediation disguised as an all expense paid vacation, or the other things that had happened to the Summoned before their arrival. ]
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He smiles faintly at the thought as he opens the door that leads up to the second floor offices, holding it for Hilda first.]
You'd have gotten along well with Sypha. And I don't think you're wrong about what this place offers. Being away from home offers the luxury of time and perspective that may be impossible to find at home. I know that was the case for myself.
do we want to try and wrap this soon before the event?
Younger me would definitely agree with you. So does current me.
[ Younger Hilda had definitely been more hell bent on having a good time and in the habit of not thinking twice about what that could possibly entail if someone got in her way. She wouldn't go as far as saying that she was recklessly careless with others feelings, but it fit in the uncomfortable way that it usually is when one reflects on their younger self once they've put some years between them. ]
Well if she was a friend of yours, I doin't have any doubt about that. I'd love to hear more about her and what you mean by gaining more perspective - maybe over dinner?
[ This is the other part of her that she's grown into over time. A younger Hilda's questions about others and those important to them had, in some respects, had been tinged with her needing to earn their good graces because you never knew when you needed their aid in doing a chore or work. ]
I think we can call it here.
[Dinner should be low lift and full of meat after such shenanigans, in Alucard's opinion. He's happy to make it all happen, and to enjoy the evening. If Jaskier pops in, he's welcome to at least steal some food.]