[ It's while picking up another box that Claude feels like he's suddenly aged years all at once. More than what the war brought on, more than what arriving here had taken months to undo, far more than the pit dredged up of which he still hasn't addressed - the reality is that this realization simply takes up so much space it seems to crush all the fragile things he'd kept close in its finality. It's probably not a coincidence it feels somewhat like standing at the edge of a battlefield when it clears and looking at the wreckage left behind.
This time it's them. There's the faint memory he has of thinking during their fight how there'd always been the chance of losing her and that he'd steeled himself against it, thinking he could rely on all those old habits of not needing anyone to pull him through when he'd always managed on his own, and yet none of that anticipated what it'd actually mean. A fault in a calculation he can't correct, and now they'll both pay for it when unlike atter a battlefield there's no clear steps forward from here.
Homesickness suddenly flares, but not for a place. It's been too long since he's been home for it to fit there, and Fodlan feels more and more distant with every day he opens his eyes and looks out the window at Cadens. With it now comes longing as painful as any animal teeth when it claws its way through his chest with no regard for anything in its path. He's been on the other side of this enough by now to know what this is without needing any time to identify it: it's grief. Unlike before, now it's for someone who's still standing here when he swallows the feeling back and turns to look at her with a worn smile he can't bother to disguise. ]
I'll test it out first this time.
[ Said as he's already halfway up onto the first box and stepping towards the next row while placing his boot down on the edge to see if it'll hold. It does, so Claude climbs up onto it and shuffles a couple more steps around to complete his test. The wood doesn't give or give any signs it will. He doesn't even know if he's relieved so much as simply going through the motions towards the escape he'd wanted so badly minutes ago and now feels like it was in another lifetime with the rift between it and facing whatever else will happen once they leave.
With that same wooden expression on his face he holds out a hand to her to help her up to keep moving. ]
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This time it's them. There's the faint memory he has of thinking during their fight how there'd always been the chance of losing her and that he'd steeled himself against it, thinking he could rely on all those old habits of not needing anyone to pull him through when he'd always managed on his own, and yet none of that anticipated what it'd actually mean. A fault in a calculation he can't correct, and now they'll both pay for it when unlike atter a battlefield there's no clear steps forward from here.
Homesickness suddenly flares, but not for a place. It's been too long since he's been home for it to fit there, and Fodlan feels more and more distant with every day he opens his eyes and looks out the window at Cadens. With it now comes longing as painful as any animal teeth when it claws its way through his chest with no regard for anything in its path. He's been on the other side of this enough by now to know what this is without needing any time to identify it: it's grief. Unlike before, now it's for someone who's still standing here when he swallows the feeling back and turns to look at her with a worn smile he can't bother to disguise. ]
I'll test it out first this time.
[ Said as he's already halfway up onto the first box and stepping towards the next row while placing his boot down on the edge to see if it'll hold. It does, so Claude climbs up onto it and shuffles a couple more steps around to complete his test. The wood doesn't give or give any signs it will. He doesn't even know if he's relieved so much as simply going through the motions towards the escape he'd wanted so badly minutes ago and now feels like it was in another lifetime with the rift between it and facing whatever else will happen once they leave.
With that same wooden expression on his face he holds out a hand to her to help her up to keep moving. ]
C'mon, the window awaits.